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Showing posts with label equality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label equality. Show all posts

May 3, 2016

He Only Picked The Best

     I've always had a problem with authority, the upper hand, the boss. The teachers at my school, the Program Director at my work place or even my mother for that matter, all of their powers disturbed me(It still does!). Among everything that they had control over, or thought they had control over, was their power to tell you that you're wrong, that you're not good enough and to be able to pick out the best among the class.
   
     We've all faced that moment when we were not among the special group of golden students, workers or players who had supposedly achieved above average performances. The absurdity behind this age-old practice of "picking out the best" hit me the most in my previous work place. Whenever we had to show-case our programs diversity, milestones achieved, competencies of team-players and so on and so forth, our program director would pick out the "best of the best", in his opinion and train them further to play out the best show. If an image of puppets dancing around came into your head then you are probably not that wrong.

     Weeding out the non-performers we call it. Yes, apparently equating people to weeds is considered "good for performance and results" in our society. More often than not the same "achievers" got picked for every event or seminar. Which meant that the amount of training they received, the exposure they got and the networks they could create began to grow far more than the rest of the group. I have a question coming to mind, not sure what exactly, but Equality is certainly there somewhere!

     What's so wrong with this practice you ask? Doesn't it motivate the "non-achievers" to perform you say? Let me give you my favourite example. Imagine a class of a hundred children. According to our utterly misconstrued understanding of Darwin's survival of the fittest theory, we pick out about one or two or a maximum of five "best players". We congratulate them, we train them further and provide them with opportunities we think they deserve(Let's not even talk about privileges and neurology here!). The question here is, what about the rest of the 95?

     NO! The reality is that the rest of them are not "motivated" to do better, on the contrary, they are de-motivated, their self-respect and self-confidence is massacred and we push them further into oblivion where they aren't recognised or mentored for the progress they make at their own pace(the key word being 'at their own pace' here). The hundred pupils in the class today are going to become full grown citizens of our world tomorrow.

     The bottom line is that we are churning out population after population that believes only a very small percentage of them is good enough and the rest just keep on trying and trying and trying to be like that "top-tier", that honestly, got recognised once or twice for good work and were later picked out thanks to intrinsic bias on the part of the authority figure and something called the Pygmalion effect (trust me, look this theory up! especially if you are someone who is responsible for a lot of young minds)


     The pain behind rejection hit me the most when I saw and heard from the people who doubted their abilities and almost gave up working on themselves only because of having experienced rejection at the hands of our program director, team-mates who were not "good and refined enough" to be representing our program in front of outsiders.

     He isn't the only one doing the apple-picking, we as a society do it to our children and young minds everyday - in schools, in work-places, at homes, etc. We continue to make a large population of our communities doubt themselves and wonder what they are good for, when infact every individual is truly unique and capable of contributing to anything and everything around them and bigger than them. If only my program manager, my teachers and even my mother knew that they could too, just by tweaking their attitude towards "failures" and looking at them as equal opportunities(the key word being "equal" here).



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Sep 18, 2014

The Big Elephant in My Room - My parents' seperation

     It's been a long time since I've written(I certainly regret my lethargy) and now that I've decided to finally get back on track, what better way to start than to talk about the one thing in my life that I rarely talk about with people.
     A few of you might know that my parents are separated and it's been just my mother, my dog(now no more alive) and I the whole time. I sometimes tell people the truth when asked, according to whether they can handle it or not, rest of the times I just say he works overseas. A lot of you might be appalled as to why I lie, but it is not for me but for the well-being of the listener. Contrary to the beliefs held by many educated citizens of our great nation, divorce and single-parenthood are still a taboo and a big No-No.
    Hence I am going to do the best thing possible with this taboo today - talk about it! I will try my best to answer all kinds of questions that enter into your head when you think of DIVORCE and especially the CHILD of the pitiful marriage.
    My parents separated nearly a decade ago. I am in my early twenties now, which means I was already quite old enough to understand pretty much everything that was happening in my life. Did it affect me and damage me for the rest of my life? Well... I'm sure it affected me, but don't we all live through struggles in life that affect us, bad breakups, failing at exams, broken bones from an accident or a death of a loved one. They are all a part and parcel of life, and the best thing we can do is survive them. I survived it and I'm doing fine today, so I guess damaged for the rest of my life is not true eh?
    To be honest, the way I saw my parents' marriage, it wasn't happy for them after a while. They began with love, but love fades sometimes like everything in life (Buddha said nothing in this universe is permanent). They should have parted before the ugly side of fading love began to show. For all those open mouths and rolling eyes, I know this might sound crrrrrrrrrrazy, but that is what I believe. Nothing really is permanent, and the sooner we accept this truth, the closer we are to finding the one thing we all truly crave for, Peace.
    One of the biggest reasons marriages are stopped from seeing its end are the KIDS! What will happen to them? We should stay for their happiness? We should do this for them! Well... I am a kid of such a marriage, and for all those going through this phase in life, honestly this is the worst thing for the kids in the marriage. A forced marriage entails a lot of cold shoulders, hatred, fights, and most of the times domestic violence at home. We don't need this. The foremost thing for a child is to be brought up in a healthy , non-violent environment and if that means sitting down with your partner to decide the terms of separation then do it! If it means going to couples counselling than try that too! But don't just stay idle, waiting for things to change.
    A common question that curious little minds have asked me is my opinion on marriage and whether I see a husband for myself, despite my parents' broken ties. I suppose they expect I'd carry the hate from the previous generation, but it's not for me to carry is it? I have been given the power to make the choices of my life and it is upto me to make it the way I want it to be. On that note, will I marry? No :) But it's not because I don't believe in love, but it is because I don't think I need a big wedding ceremony or an announcement to the world or any other drama of that sort for me to share my life with someone. I strongly believe in the power of love and am infact in love with someone very special in my life, who also doesn't think he needs a certificate to prove his love for me.
    I realise I've said a lot of things that might result in a lot of hate in the comments section, but you know what it's fine. I've lived through every word I've written here and more, I've lived it and I wouldn't change a single thing from my life if I had the chance. It made me who I am today, it made me value love, it made me value myself, what else can I ask for.
    My parent's are separated, but by their choice. The only hope for humanity is to work for a society where freedom and love are the most important epithets and not force and hate. I am proud of my mother for taking this decision and setting herself free and wish a lot of women and men get the courage to take that step to set themselves free and find love for themselves.


P.S: Thanks a lot for listening to what I had to say :) Listening to each other helps a lot trust me. Sharing another article that is very close to what I am talking about.

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Mar 26, 2014

HOW TO LOVE...

WARNING : There may be an excessive use of the word "Love" in this post. I suggest people uncomfortable with this word, don't fret, take a deep breath and then commence reading. You never know, you might actually fall in love with love.


     Love is a word we all use isn't it. Even when we talk of hate, we are actually talking of love. My life's journey has now led me to a stage where I want to feel love and compassion for all... Yes you read it right, for ALL!
     Love has always been a word that has come out of my lips, my entire life. Saying "I love you" to someone has been hard as well as easy for me. But, it is perhaps only now that I understand the real depth and significance of this word.
     Now how on earth am I going to love all, when there is so much to hate and detest in this world. When I thought real deep about love and compassion for ALL, I realised how herculean a task this is! If you are wondering, No I haven't managed to give unconditional love and compassion for the entire humanity, but good news I have figured out the first step.
     This first step is not giving up all your belongings to the poor of the world, it is not adopting all orphans into your home, it isn't even falling head over heels in love with someone. The first step towards Love is Not To Hate. It isn't even an action that requires effort, in fact it is the lack of all the pain and stress required to hate someone or something.
     Isn't the act of hating a big burden? Having to carry that lump of evil thoughts, curses, complains and what not, always around on your shoulders. What if you just let go of it all? You wouldn't have to love or forgive or even tolerate, you just stop hating. Doesn't it sound very relieving?
     Once that hate is let go of, our hearts and minds are lighter and cleansed, it is certainly easier to fill it with good thoughts and eventually with lots of love and compassion. If you are wondering if I really did try it, Yes I did. If you are wondering if it worked, guess what? Yes it worked!
The symbol of infinite Love and Wisdom, tattooed on my shoulder.
     I started with trying not to hate the nagging my mom does, trying not to hate the unbelievably gender biased movies that pass of as good films in the cinemas, trying not to hate the horribly rude auto drivers that try to loot you, trying not to hate some people that were really easy to hate, so on and so forth.
     As I reached this eureka moment in my journey of love and compassion, I also decided to mark my life with this new beginning. I got the infinity symbol of love and wisdom inked on my shoulder, to keep reminding me and to keep spreading the message of this simple word called Love.



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Sep 20, 2013

JUST TRUST THE KIDS

            Today I accompanied one of my fellow mates to a school that he assists with, since I was a little bored to go to one of the schools I am assigned to (We work with government schools in backward areas, about which I will hopefully post very soon in detail, so don’t fret about the details!). It is a typical Indian sarkari(government) school, set in the urban side of the district, but with a twist.
            The students who barely manage to attend classes are kids of rag-pickers, beggars and homeless community of that area. Having spoken to quite a few teachers, officials, community – members, and so on, about the children, I got to hear a load of character traits about the little learners of this backward community.
The kids colouring away, while I watch on (I'm in green)
            They steal! They curse! They are violent! and what not. I walked into the class to see curious little faces (I assume curious, for all I know they couldn’t care less about my foreign entry). I sat in a corner as I observed the little kids be just that – little kids. A lot of glances and a few hesitant smiles later I was sitting with them on the floor talking about colours and trees and cows and basically everything their minds ran towards.
            I gave each one a fresh piece of paper, opened up my new box of colours and gave them the permission to pick any crayon they wished. They had a lot of creative juices flowing on to the piece of paper for about an hour, when finally it was time for lunch. They left, giving me their creations to eat the food that comes from the government food distribution centres (Most of the kids here get just that meal in the entire day!). Guess how many crayons out of the fifteen I had, were left in my case?
            All of them! Not a single kid stole a crayon, tore up the paper or misbehaved with me. All of them were kids, just like any other kid I’ve met in all the schools I’ve been too. I just trusted them and welcomed them with an open and prejudice – free mind. I only wonder why this is so hard to do for so many of us adults!




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Aug 1, 2013

EQUAL AND FREE

“Let him who would move the world first move himself.” 

~ Socrates

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” 
~ Mahatma Gandhi 

            I watched a group of young kids of about 10 years old, working on a construction site, bare-foot and bare-headed, as I walked back from one of India’s over 1 million sarkari (government) schools that give every child the right to free education. I wish I could say it was a heart – wrenching sight for me, but it wasn’t! Child labour is dangerously a common sight in India, ask every Indian!
             I looked away almost indifferently, but somewhere I could feel a little light switch on. I was there for a reason.  I was at the government school in a village, working towards my dream to the change the education system of this country. That was my reason. But if there are millions of kids still on the streets, having to work ruthlessly to fill their stomachs, with just two square meals a day, what change can I possibly bring?
           I change one kid. Is it enough? I change one school. So what? I change one village. What about the rest of this humungous nation? These changes never last long anyway. I will never be done. So what on earth is the point of it all?...
           When I was younger, I was an annoying little girl (some may say I still am), who complained and whined about the system, the society’s evils, deforestation, people’s attitude, animal testing and so on. To change the world, you have to first change yourself I was told. I would whine and complain even more saying, such a clogged point of view would never change anything.
           As I walked away from the working kids, I finally understood!
The sarkari school kids that I work with.
           Imagine if I looked into my own self and changed my way of thinking, my way of life and my philosophy. Imagine I change myself. Now, imagine if all of us looked into our own selves and changed our way of thinking, our way of life and our philosophy. Imagine we all change ourselves!

          By changing myself, I have become a part of that changed society where every being is equal and free, have I not? This change is big enough and long lasting enough to actually make a difference (yipeeee!). By changing myself, I have become a part of that society that gives a child the education it deserves, away from the life of a child labourer, have I not? By changing ourselves, we become a part of a society where every being is truly equal and free!



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May 12, 2013

He Said He Has Three Girlfriends!

     It was just another day at my friend's place, the usual jibber-jabber, the annoyingly loud television and the random college friends walking in conveniently adding in their confusion into the jibber-jabber, that made no sense in the first place. Amidst this chaos, that one can surprisingly get used to, my friend introduced me to a new member, who I hadn't had the opportunity to meet before(I say opportunity since he is the protagonist of this blog post)
    "He is most famous guy in college and he has three girlfriends, all crazy about him." This was the first statement that heralded his initiation into the group. He blushed and his pride in this "achievement" of his was evident.
     To my surprise my friend looked at me with a glance that hinted that I remark on the new member's ability to collect women as one would collect candies or toy cars! All that came out my mouth was a "Sorry!"
     As expected, looks of confusion were directed at me. I realised I was supposed to be impressed somehow and probably should have offered to be the fourth girlfriend. I had to cover up and say "I'm sorry for you! It's a struggle to even survive one relationship, and you manage three", when I originally wanted to say "I'm sorry for you! Your lack of a decent education and mental maturity is so evident." But then again it was our first rendez-vous, and I didn't want to scare the guy away with my strong opinions and principles(Call me crazy!)
    I should have been more offended at the fact that such a young and a potential future advocate of this nation(this jibber-jabbering lot were all students of Law) , didn't comprehend how preposterous his "achievement" of not only deceiving three women was, but also how badly it reflected on his ability to treat women as an equal gender that deserved respect and courtesy. But then again who am I to say anything!
    I was more disappointed with my friend who welcomed in this member to whom women were just collectible items, with open arms (literally!). The day continued on as if nothing was wrong and nothing needed any attention.
    As a society and as citizens we have the right to draw a line as to what is acceptable and what is not. We hold loud discussions in cafeterias about the condition of women in this nation, we throw mud on the government for not protecting women enough and eventually we point fingers at the women itself for provoking the crime done against them, but none of us ever stand up in our everyday lives against people like him.
   His choice of treatment of women and his wrongly-placed pride in it should have found a stop amongst his peers, who have the ability to realise how damaging an attitude such as that can be not only to the three women, but the society at large. Yet we fear and we hesitate to say NO! STOP! Women are equal! Women deserve better!
     *Everyone has the equal right to be with the partner they choose and exercise their sexual freedom, but only as long as the rights of the other people involved are also being respected!


    Things do not change; we change
~HENRY DAVID THOREAU



Feb 8, 2013

How Can I Be Proud Of Being An Indian Woman?

     A few days ago I turned 20. I presume I can now safely say I am a woman and not a girl anymore, and have lived a life long enough to form opinions and be considered as an adult(To my mother I am still a 13 year old kid!). Today I write not as Spoorthi, a college going girl who is always so cheerful and loves Dogs, but I write as a Woman...an Indian Woman.
     I wasn't born in a typical Indian family, but it was rather just me and my mom my whole life. So, I have lived a life where I have seen how strong and independent a woman can truly be, in all circumstances that life and society can throw at us. Today, I too can proudly say I am a strong woman!
    I walk with my shoulders straight and head held high. I voice my opinions in a country where almost everything has gone wrong; starting from the government to the social set-up of caste and religion. I truly believe that no dream is too far away to be achieved regardless of your gender, caste or colour.
     Yet, today I write this feeling pain, disappointment and distress, and am standing on the cliff where I am only a few centimeters away from giving up on this nation. I love my country, and I always will, but will I ever be truly happy in this society?
     From the moment I open my eyes in the morning every force around me wants to show me my place! My place as a woman! I am stared at by the men on the streets for the body I walk in. I am unheard in a debate in a group of men. I am told I need to marry a man to take care of me.
     I pick a guitar, I am told to pick a spatula instead to learn cooking. I try to ride a bike, but no man is ready to sit behind me since it is embarrassing for a man who would let a woman take control of a bike. I want to make decisions for my group, but I don't see a single ear hearing me.
     Why is it so rare in this nation to see a woman making decisions and taking control of situations, and  a bunch of men listen to her and truly respect her decisions without prejudice? Why is so rare to see an unmarried woman successful in her life, being appreciated and held as an example of strength, and not forced to find herself a groom? Why is to so impossible to be a woman and even feel safe in this country?
     Will I really be happy in a nation where everything in my life is decided by the gender I belong to? The clothes I wear, the people I spend time with, the education I get, the lifestyle I want to lead, even the time I have to get back home is decided on my gender! My worth, my value, my talent, my respect and my place in the society is careful measured based on my gender! How can I be happy and proud of being an Indian, when it truly hurts to know this inevitable fact of this society?
     I am writing this under the risk of sounding like a whining woman, who is desperate to seem victimized. But no matter how I am looked at for writing this, the truth will never change. Women have always been and will always be objectified, disrespected and will never be treated as equals!
     We are used for the maintenance of a household and used for the sexual gratification of men(The recent rape cases, and this nation's inability to stop it still is the biggest and the most shameful evidence). Our dreams are crushed and replaced by dreams already planned by the society.
     This is a democratic nation. But, a democratic nation for men! Freedom? Liberty? Equality? How can I ever taste? How can I ever be proud to be an Indian Woman?

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