Changing The World?

     A lifetime of wanting to change the world, two years of being a part of a leadership programme to train to change the world and a year of cleansing myself of the hangover of wanting to change the world later, I've finally found or rather re-discovered the answer that great minds have always disclosed, to the age old question of how to Change The World! 

     Whether we like to believe it or not the only being we ever truly have control over (close to complete control) is ourselves. As parents disciplining your children, as lovers making your partners quit smoking, as professors mentoring your students or religious extremists preaching your version of morality, you only have as much power over others as they let you have. Just as Brutus says in the play 'Julius ceasar', even slaves can't be ever owned as they have the power to end their lives and take away the upper hand of their masters.

     When we spend crores of funding on large organisations, write heart-wrenching biographies and mentor young minds, the closest we get to changing the world is by creating an environment where people can see that there is a choice beyond their default consumeristic, capitalistic, narcissistic, parasitic (the list goes on really!) human self. We can create a world where that choice exists. We can never make someone choose the right way of life. If we did, then what is the difference between the imperialist and us? "Well our intentions are right" you say? Well so thought Hitler! How can we ever be sure of the right way of living, of loving, of building, of co-existing, of praying, of partying! I've learnt that we can only try, show people around us the way and pray to the cosmos that they join in the race to save our humanity.

     Saying no to plastic, giving your seat to a senior citizen, calling out a racist, helping an injured animal, following your passions or even loving someone unconditionally, small actions like these help create that world where people can build that courage to do right, because we all know how hard it can be sometimes. Our responsibilities, our education and our religions don't let us but perhaps if we saw our neighbour plant a tree, so would we. Be that neighbour, change yourself and inspire change in others, because the only way you can Change The World is by Changing Yourself!

Inspired? Read more : 

• The English Snob That I Was
• My Mom Is Beautiful

The English Snob That I Was

Note : This was a story I shared with my fellowship team, when asked how the fellowship that I am a part of has changed me. There have been several ways of how this brilliant experience has brought out the best and the worst in me. I will hopefully share more on this fellowship and the learnings I've drawn from it on the blog, for now read on...

                

                 My name is Spoorthi. My father is from Karnataka and my mother is from Sikkim, and I… Well I am from everywhere! I can speak Kannada, Nepali, French because I put my heart and soul into learning it and of course I know English. Thinking back on my past, I realize that all my friends have been English speakers, all my thoughts have been penned down in English, and most of what I know has been read in English.

                One year into the fellowship and all the friends I had made were English speakers. I hadn’t ever realized it, but I looked down upon those who didn’t know proper English. “I didn’t done it” someone says, and I know he can never be my friend. “Kyaa aap hindi mein baat karsakte ho, angrezi samajh nahin aa raha hain” another says and I know no conversations there. “Aap kaise ho?” someone asks, I say “acha” in my broken hindi and walk away. This was who I was and I was happy with it.

                My whole life, my parents, my schools, the society I belonged to and the media that fed me, have all told me ‘English’! We had a rule in my school, if anyone speaks in any language other than English, then we had to pay a fine. Did I realize how much of my character was being shaped by this? Our whole lives we are conditioned to be a certain way, fed ideas that are said to be right, influenced towards certain ideologies. Everyday of our lives we lose a part of ourselves and become what we are forced to become, completely blind to it. In the fellowship I questioned it, and recovered a part of myself!

                I remember the day that my journey with this fellowship started. I was given a room next to two boys during our induction process, who happened to be deep and loud in discussion in HINDI! I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t understand most of it, but I understood I was disappointed. I remember phoning my mother back home and telling her very convincingly that I didn’t think this fellowship was for me. Today I work and live with one of those guys in my fellowship home and the other one of those guys is my best friend. 

                It might have taken me a year to realize it, but a lot of courage to break my notions and to break my conditioning. The dislike, the disappointment, the hatred even, it was all not mine. It was given to me, and I accepted it without questioning it. When I look around today I see the magnitude of souls we are slowly erasing by giving them all the anger, hatred, violence, judgements and what not.

                During my field support visits to school, I meet on an average 150 primary kids that I teach, I play with and best of all, I talk to. I can feel their honesty, their purity and their free minds in my heart. I envy them but at the same time I fear for them. It is only a while until these free souls are also bound by our society’s chains. Perhaps I can save them, perhaps I can save our society from more Spoorthis who dislike non-English speakers.

                My dream is to see our children growing in an environment where they can be everything they wish to be and everything that they are, without being conditioned to be a certain way, fed ideas that are said to be right, influenced towards certain ideologies. A school where self-exploration, self-governance, self-expression, equality and freedom are the core values. I want to question things, I want to question our conditioning, I want to question everything!

                

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The Big Elephant in My Room - My parents' seperation

     It's been a long time since I've written(I certainly regret my lethargy) and now that I've decided to finally get back on track, what better way to start than to talk about the one thing in my life that I rarely talk about with people.
     A few of you might know that my parents are separated and it's been just my mother, my dog(now no more alive) and I the whole time. I sometimes tell people the truth when asked, according to whether they can handle it or not, rest of the times I just say he works overseas. A lot of you might be appalled as to why I lie, but it is not for me but for the well-being of the listener. Contrary to the beliefs held by many educated citizens of our great nation, divorce and single-parenthood are still a taboo and a big No-No.
    Hence I am going to do the best thing possible with this taboo today - talk about it! I will try my best to answer all kinds of questions that enter into your head when you think of DIVORCE and especially the CHILD of the pitiful marriage.
    My parents separated nearly a decade ago. I am in my early twenties now, which means I was already quite old enough to understand pretty much everything that was happening in my life. Did it affect me and damage me for the rest of my life? Well... I'm sure it affected me, but don't we all live through struggles in life that affect us, bad breakups, failing at exams, broken bones from an accident or a death of a loved one. They are all a part and parcel of life, and the best thing we can do is survive them. I survived it and I'm doing fine today, so I guess damaged for the rest of my life is not true eh?
    To be honest, the way I saw my parents' marriage, it wasn't happy for them after a while. They began with love, but love fades sometimes like everything in life (Buddha said nothing in this universe is permanent). They should have parted before the ugly side of fading love began to show. For all those open mouths and rolling eyes, I know this might sound crrrrrrrrrrazy, but that is what I believe. Nothing really is permanent, and the sooner we accept this truth, the closer we are to finding the one thing we all truly crave for, Peace.
    One of the biggest reasons marriages are stopped from seeing its end are the KIDS! What will happen to them? We should stay for their happiness? We should do this for them! Well... I am a kid of such a marriage, and for all those going through this phase in life, honestly this is the worst thing for the kids in the marriage. A forced marriage entails a lot of cold shoulders, hatred, fights, and most of the times domestic violence at home. We don't need this. The foremost thing for a child is to be brought up in a healthy , non-violent environment and if that means sitting down with your partner to decide the terms of separation then do it! If it means going to couples counselling than try that too! But don't just stay idle, waiting for things to change.
    A common question that curious little minds have asked me is my opinion on marriage and whether I see a husband for myself, despite my parents' broken ties. I suppose they expect I'd carry the hate from the previous generation, but it's not for me to carry is it? I have been given the power to make the choices of my life and it is upto me to make it the way I want it to be. On that note, will I marry? No :) But it's not because I don't believe in love, but it is because I don't think I need a big wedding ceremony or an announcement to the world or any other drama of that sort for me to share my life with someone. I strongly believe in the power of love and am infact in love with someone very special in my life, who also doesn't think he needs a certificate to prove his love for me.
    I realise I've said a lot of things that might result in a lot of hate in the comments section, but you know what it's fine. I've lived through every word I've written here and more, I've lived it and I wouldn't change a single thing from my life if I had the chance. It made me who I am today, it made me value love, it made me value myself, what else can I ask for.
    My parent's are separated, but by their choice. The only hope for humanity is to work for a society where freedom and love are the most important epithets and not force and hate. I am proud of my mother for taking this decision and setting herself free and wish a lot of women and men get the courage to take that step to set themselves free and find love for themselves.

P.S: Thanks a lot for listening to what I had to say :) Listening to each other helps a lot trust me. Sharing another article that is very close to what I am talking about.

Also, don't forget to also read :

• How to love...
• Equal and Free

My Mom Is Beautiful.

     This is a blog post after a long time travelling around the country, a bit of meditation and a lot of reading. All that done in hopes of opening new doors in my head and learning new life lessons. When I finally returned home after a year away(Only for a 10-day holiday break though) I never thought I would learn a beautiful lesson right in the middle of all the comforts home had to offer.
     My mom was dressing up to go her work, and meeting her after a significant amount of time, we were having our usual conversations of this and that. As she tried on her new purple kurta I happened to notice that she had grown a little fat around her hips and I told her "Ma, your body has become fat. That kurta looks weird on you."
     She accepted my comment coolly and justified how she had been eating a lot the past month. Her protest-less acceptance of my comment hit me so hard! I had obviously not thought of what my words actually signified, and soon a lesson learnt.
     Women will always be too fat, too short, too dark, have too many pimples and so on and on and on. I've been told of my tan, my grizzly dry hair and my farm of pimples on my face, over and over again. I have justified for them over and over again, as if being the way I am and looking the way I do offends the people who have to bear with it!
    My mother should have been horrified and told me not to talk of someone's body that way. I criticised her body, told her she was fat and basically told her she wasn't good enough. All she did was accept it. She accepted it as if I was right in saying all that I had said!
     When in reality my mother is so much more than just her body and face. Neither a size zero figure nor a body with fat around her hips, can define who she truly is. No beauty standards we create for women in this society can truly do justice to what women really are on the inside. So let's stop criticising the extra fat, the short legs and frizzy hair. Let's accept and love ourselves and each other for exactly the way we are - Beautiful! And I needed to go home, call my mother fat and watch her smile while being called fat to learn this lesson.
   I would love to hear stories of how beautiful your moms are :)

Don't forget to check out :

• Happiness or Peace???
• Just Five Clothes

EQUAL AND FREE

“Let him who would move the world first move himself.” 

~ Socrates

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” 

~ Mahatma Gandhi 

            I watched a group of young kids of about 10 years old, working on a construction site, bare-foot and bare-headed, as I walked back from one of India’s over 1 million sarkari (government) schools that give every child the right to free education. I wish I could say it was a heart – wrenching sight for me, but it wasn’t! Child labour is dangerously a common sight in India, ask every Indian!

             I looked away almost indifferently, but somewhere I could feel a little light switch on. I was there for a reason.  I was at the government school in a village, working towards my dream to the change the education system of this country. That was my reason. But if there are millions of kids still on the streets, having to work ruthlessly to fill their stomachs, with just two square meals a day, what change can I possibly bring?

           I change one kid. Is it enough? I change one school. So what? I change one village. What about the rest of this humungous nation? These changes never last long anyway. I will never be done. So what on earth is the point of it all?...

           When I was younger, I was an annoying little girl (some may say I still am), who complained and whined about the system, the society’s evils, deforestation, people’s attitude, animal testing and so on. To change the world, you have to first change yourself I was told. I would whine and complain even more saying, such a clogged point of view would never change anything.

           As I walked away from the working kids, I finally understood!

The sarkari school kids that I work with.

           Imagine if I looked into my own self and changed my way of thinking, my way of life and my philosophy. Imagine I change myself. Now, imagine if all of us looked into our own selves and changed our way of thinking, our way of life and our philosophy. Imagine we all change ourselves!

          By changing myself, I have become a part of that changed society where every being is equal and free, have I not? This change is big enough and long lasting enough to actually make a difference (yipeeee!). By changing myself, I have become a part of that society that gives a child the education it deserves, away from the life of a child labourer, have I not? By changing ourselves, we become a part of a society where every being is truly equal and free!

Don't Forget To Check Out :

• Destination Dharamsaala!
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The Super(wo)man Inside all of Us...!

             Strong. Independent. Brave. I am not new to these words being used to describe me, obviously used after Stubborn. Weird. Short, nonetheless I accept these compliments with a big smile and an odd giggle as if I am in accordance with their description of me.           

The Fellowship ended up being one of the
 best learning experiences, and the journey is still on

            As to why anyone would say “How do you do it?”, or “where do you get the courage from?” or even “You are soooooo brave!”, fret not, I shall explain. I am a tiny little unmarried Indian girl who loves to travel and do things I’ve never done before. Since it is a tough task to carry my mother around with me, it means I travel alone. Yes! Alone! Which is apparently super unusual for an Indian girl. Why? That is a story for another day.

            As to me being all brave and superwoman. I am not! I shake, shiver and decide to quit all the time. I am writing this very blog post from a train from Delhi to Udaipur, where I start my life’s new chapter, working on a fellowship to help improve the Indian education scenario. Just a day before I was hiding under my friend’s blanket, shrieking that I didn’t want to leave the bed!

            My dear friend had to go through quite a riot to calm my nerves down, but once I got on the road I was fine. It took a lot to get to “fine”, but I most certainly did! If I had given up the second I felt my heart race and my legs quiver, then I wouldn’t be on my way to my dream of working with schools, I would have long gone back home only to quit other opportunities that presented itself to me.

            Am I brave? I do not know… Do I get scared? Hell yeah!... Do I let it stop me? Once I’m out of hiding under my blanket, I’m up for any challenge!

At home anywhere the world has to offer me.

            If facing my fears to reach my dreams, means I’m strong, brave and independent, then I guess I am. But, it certainly is not something I was born with. The more I face life and fight, the more easier it gets to get up and actually move forward. It doesn’t mean I get any less scared. Change and New Journeys still frighten me to bits, but now I have the confidence that it will be fine!

            The fear of the unknown and of new challenges is natural. We all experience it one time or the other. In fact if you don’t get nervous, then there is something to be worried about! Go. Dream. Fly! Don’t let your fears stop you from doing all that your heart desires, just like how I don’t let it stop me.

P.S: Sorry for the lame captions on the pictures! Too stressed out to come out with something more creative.

Don't forget to also check out :

• Destination Dharamsaala!
• Only Because She Was A Woman!

The Indian Bureaucracy almost made me leave my country!

     Today was a hard day for me. Hard as an average common-man Indian! It led me to the extreme of asking my best friend as to how I could acquire a citizenship to Australia(No favouritism here! But any developed nation would do). I am no drama queen, but sometimes an insignificant incident(insignificant to others eyes) can trigger the deepest emotions in me.
     I needed a simple study certificate from my college just to state that I am a student of the college, so that I can use it to apply for a passport. Having spent three precious years of my youth studying in that college, I reckoned this would be no hard task, but boy was I wrong!
    First of all there is no specific person who really handles issues of students, because students are expected not to have issues. You see we are "educated" to become sheeple( Sheep + people), so doing anything other than what is strictly instructed to us in the name of disciple, is not an option. Regardless, I managed to find the office staff that would know something about the certificate, literally doing nothing at his desk. Nothing!
     When he realised I approached him with a potentially hazardous errand, requiring him to get up from his chair(oh how on earth could I ask him to do his job? How wrong of me!) he had a couple of excuses that was evidently pre-rehearsed. So now I know I am not the only one having to climb mountains to get a simple certificate.
    In spite of the fact that all my proof of address, date of birth and even proof of my existence had already been submitted to them, when I was admitted as a student to the very same college, he asked me to submit a whole bunch of other proofs! That too in a tone that was meant to remind me that I was subservient to his bureaucratic position. The tone mattes a lot, it is a window to the attitude that they carry towards us students.
     No matter what he asked of me, at that moment when I was filled with utter frustration at his incompetence and his evident bullying attitude, I realised how helpless I was. With no insane amounts of money in my pocket or an influential politician in my family tree, I could not get anything done in this system if I were to follow the correct norms and procedures. I either had to bribe him, bully him or end up getting bullied and waste days of my precious youth running around him to get things done!
     The bureaucracy of India works as if it does a favour to those who approach their desks for things to get done. Some of us maybe at such positions too, some of us might get into those positions some day soon, but when we get to that position, why do we all forget our duty? Why do we forget to do the job that is asked of us? Why do we forget that no matter how small the work that is asked of us might be, it is still a part of the system that we are a part of? No matter how insignificant it may seem, the longer we take to get it done, the more clogs and obstacles you add to the system. At the end of the day, making us responsible for the slow, irresponsible and frustrating system that manages to hold this country back from becoming great!
     Do not underestimate yourself to the extent that you begin to think nothing that you do has an impact in the world. Everything we do has an impact somewhere, somehow and on someone. Every action of yours or even every inaction will have ramifications that you are responsible for. Begin to think of yourself as a part of a system that is working to a better tomorrow. Then maybe our bureaucracy, our governmet, our education and finally our country might move forward towards a better India. Or else, a citizenship to Australia is always an option!

Don't Forget To Read : 

• Why I Make A Horrible Indian Wife

• The Little Things That Make Heaven

Where Are All The Mothers And The Wives?

It is that time of the year, where tensions are high as the exams are around the corner. Though half of the country is boiling with anger over the countless rapes of women and little girls in the nation, our universities continue to follow their routine of examinations. I belong to one such university and the whole last week was spent in filling up forms and paying fees for the same cause.

            Though the medieval practice of filling up paper forms and standing in queues for hours together, when we belong to the age of internet, really frustrated me, what caused me more anger was the fact that every form asked for my father’s name or in some cases my husband’s name. Somehow, the women of my life where considered either non-existent or maybe not fit enough to be identified with.

Have women no identity?

            In a time when people are protesting against heinous crimes such as rape, my little complaint of not including a woman at an equal position in the administration, might seem menial. Then again, it is the little changes that lead to the biggest impact.

            Even when the trend of anti-corruption swallowed our nation, and everybody was filled with a zeal to fight corruption, the flame faded of soon. When in reality the real fighters of this cause are small actions taken by people every day. Little things such as teaching your kids to value the right things in life and not run after wealth alone, or choosing to pay the fine for not wearing the helmet instead of bribing the traffic policeman.  

            Even with the cause of the equal treatment of women, the little things in our daily lives, can bring the biggest impact. If we start genuinely considering women as equal, and include their names in places where only men stood before, then wouldn’t equality of women come naturally in the country? Waiting for big changes at the level of parliament and supreme courts would mean nothing, if in our everyday lives, we still fail to see women as equal, and fail to see women as that half of the society that can not only have its own identity, but also give identity to their children and spouses.

Don't Forget To Also Read :

• The Battle For Gender Equality
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The Choice Between ME And Who YOU Want Me To Be

     He looked into my eyes with great concern and said, "Why do you think you are different? Just be Normal like everybody else and gel in." 

     For a second it seemed like a decent advice that in my 20 years of ups and downs, never occurred to me apparently. I have to be honest and confess, I've always felt a lack of belonging and felt like I need to be somewhere else but the place that I was in. I've always felt when I was talking, I was heard but never truly understood. Maybe I was talking a different language or talking of a different world. Maybe I was just insane, suffered a genetic mutation or was just different. "Just be like everybody else". 

Should I be ME or just like the rest be?

     Maybe I should start dressing exactly like my friends and stop bothering about gender equality. Maybe I should straighten my hair and stop talking about improving the education system of my country.  Maybe I should just get a masters degree(In the very education system I opine as incapable!) instead of wanting to travel the world to see its true beauty. Yes! Maybe I should give up all my dreams, all my passions, all my heart's desires just so that all the people around me will look at me and say, "she is normal, she is just like the rest of us."

      We live in a society where people of beauty, wealth and power are worshiped (Need I state the countless examples of who our society wrongfully appreciates?). We have a set of behaivoural guidelines and habits that we deem as NORMAL. The things we wear, the way we speak, the places that we visit , the people that we date or even the dreams we Dare to Dream. They all have to be a certain way that the majority doesn't frown upon. 

     But what if I want to break away from that NORMAL. What if I want to set out on a path that has not been tread on by the generations before me. I am scared and am certainly unsure of what lies ahead. But  do I let these fears stop me? I am alone in trying to be that someone that the society says is DIFFERENT. Do I step back and live a life that I dread, just because people on the street don't recognize me for who I am?

     Why is it that we have a fear something new. We let that fear stop us from freeing our souls to the unknown. If I dare to say I want to take two years off from my education, to travel this beautiful world and learn about the planet I belong to, all I hear are gasps of utter fright and certain cases of disappointment (Sorry my main aim in life is not the own a yellow Ferrari and a bungalow on the palm islands in Dubai!)

     Our obsession with complying with this standard of NORMAL, makes us so prejudiced and biased. If a man chooses to love a man instead of a woman like the rest of us, why do we say he is committing a sin? If a woman is healthier than most of us by about 80 Kilos, then why do the words 'fat' and 'ugly' automatically enter into our minds? If a man wears torn clothes and earns less than most of us, why do we assume he is worthless and achieved nothing mentionable at all? 

     We judge them so instantly and recklessly, that it is truly unfortunate. We spend our whole lives learning that true beauty of a person lies on the inside, yet all we care about is the outside. All the wonderful people we stop ourselves from knowing, just because we don't agree with what and who they are! All the wonderful things we stop ourselves from becoming, just because others might not agree with what and who we are!

     My very concerned friend, was obviously concerned that I felt alone and isolated. But do I change myself just so that I am accepted? Do I lose everything that truly makes me ME, just so that I am identified with pretty words? 

     Just when I had decided I am going to be all alone in my fight to re-define NORMAL, I had an epiphany (I had to use this word, because I just love the way it sounds!). I am not alone at all! Just a few days later another good friend of mine said "whatever you are is your state of NORMAL, not what others say it needs to be". No need to lose myself in the crowd then? A week later I met a room full of people with more zeal than me to give up on NORMAL dreams of wealth and power, in order to work for the community. No need to give up on my dreams then? 

     

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

~ Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Don't Forget to Also Read :   

• Dream To Be Free
• The Little Things That Make Heaven