In Chaotic Peace

     I have always enjoyed writing down my thoughts and ideas, despite the lack of readers for my pieces of work. Yet, I realised the past few months have been a time when my writers' block took the best of me. I argued (with myself ofcourse!) that I was busy saving the world or making my hair, that writing took the back seat.

     Today, I am admitting (to myself again!) as to why my fingers haven't penned down my mind. 

     My head is in chaos! In utter chaos. My thoughts and ideas are questioned by further thoughts and ideas, only to be questioned again by more thoughts and ideas. I haven't lost my soul, but I sure am on the way to losing my sanity!

     I have always been afraid of not believing the 'Right way' or the 'Right Answer', that I was in denial of chaos in my head. What if everything I believed in my whole life was all wrong? What if all of it was just wrong conditioning? I am at a phase where most questions do not have answers, my future plans are confusing me, relations are straining me and I basically need a break! I was just afraid of admitting this to myself.

     Don't we all reach this phase in our lives where too many doors of life confuse us and our head is lost between rationality, logic, sentimentality and thirsts for peace. Being afraid of accepting this chaos in my head meant my hands were paused in motion. But why are we all afraid of this state? Why are we all so obsessed with being composed and sorted,and having all the right answers, all the time? Why don't we allow ourselves to enjoy the chaos too? It certainly helped me to write one chaotic piece of writing, perhaps the acceptance of not having answers and not knowing which way to go is alright. Maybe sometimes we need to allow ourselves to enjoy some chaotic peace.


Do check my other posts too :

• How to be happy in and out of a relationship
• Blast from the Past

   

He Said He Has Three Girlfriends!

     It was just another day at my friend's place, the usual jibber-jabber, the annoyingly loud television and the random college friends walking in conveniently adding in their confusion into the jibber-jabber, that made no sense in the first place. Amidst this chaos, that one can surprisingly get used to, my friend introduced me to a new member, who I hadn't had the opportunity to meet before(I say opportunity since he is the protagonist of this blog post)
    "He is most famous guy in college and he has three girlfriends, all crazy about him." This was the first statement that heralded his initiation into the group. He blushed and his pride in this "achievement" of his was evident.
     To my surprise my friend looked at me with a glance that hinted that I remark on the new member's ability to collect women as one would collect candies or toy cars! All that came out my mouth was a "Sorry!"
     As expected, looks of confusion were directed at me. I realised I was supposed to be impressed somehow and probably should have offered to be the fourth girlfriend. I had to cover up and say "I'm sorry for you! It's a struggle to even survive one relationship, and you manage three", when I originally wanted to say "I'm sorry for you! Your lack of a decent education and mental maturity is so evident." But then again it was our first rendez-vous, and I didn't want to scare the guy away with my strong opinions and principles(Call me crazy!)
    I should have been more offended at the fact that such a young and a potential future advocate of this nation(this jibber-jabbering lot were all students of Law) , didn't comprehend how preposterous his "achievement" of not only deceiving three women was, but also how badly it reflected on his ability to treat women as an equal gender that deserved respect and courtesy. But then again who am I to say anything!
    I was more disappointed with my friend who welcomed in this member to whom women were just collectible items, with open arms (literally!). The day continued on as if nothing was wrong and nothing needed any attention.
    As a society and as citizens we have the right to draw a line as to what is acceptable and what is not. We hold loud discussions in cafeterias about the condition of women in this nation, we throw mud on the government for not protecting women enough and eventually we point fingers at the women itself for provoking the crime done against them, but none of us ever stand up in our everyday lives against people like him.
   His choice of treatment of women and his wrongly-placed pride in it should have found a stop amongst his peers, who have the ability to realise how damaging an attitude such as that can be not only to the three women, but the society at large. Yet we fear and we hesitate to say NO! STOP! Women are equal! Women deserve better!
     *Everyone has the equal right to be with the partner they choose and exercise their sexual freedom, but only as long as the rights of the other people involved are also being respected!

    Things do not change; we change

~HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Don't Forget to Read :

• The choice between ME and who YOU want me to be
• How can I be proud of being an Indian Woman?

Where Are All The Mothers And The Wives?

It is that time of the year, where tensions are high as the exams are around the corner. Though half of the country is boiling with anger over the countless rapes of women and little girls in the nation, our universities continue to follow their routine of examinations. I belong to one such university and the whole last week was spent in filling up forms and paying fees for the same cause.

            Though the medieval practice of filling up paper forms and standing in queues for hours together, when we belong to the age of internet, really frustrated me, what caused me more anger was the fact that every form asked for my father’s name or in some cases my husband’s name. Somehow, the women of my life where considered either non-existent or maybe not fit enough to be identified with.

Have women no identity?

            In a time when people are protesting against heinous crimes such as rape, my little complaint of not including a woman at an equal position in the administration, might seem menial. Then again, it is the little changes that lead to the biggest impact.

            Even when the trend of anti-corruption swallowed our nation, and everybody was filled with a zeal to fight corruption, the flame faded of soon. When in reality the real fighters of this cause are small actions taken by people every day. Little things such as teaching your kids to value the right things in life and not run after wealth alone, or choosing to pay the fine for not wearing the helmet instead of bribing the traffic policeman.  

            Even with the cause of the equal treatment of women, the little things in our daily lives, can bring the biggest impact. If we start genuinely considering women as equal, and include their names in places where only men stood before, then wouldn’t equality of women come naturally in the country? Waiting for big changes at the level of parliament and supreme courts would mean nothing, if in our everyday lives, we still fail to see women as equal, and fail to see women as that half of the society that can not only have its own identity, but also give identity to their children and spouses.

Don't Forget To Also Read :

• The Battle For Gender Equality
• The Animal Side Of Man

Battle for Gender Equality

“This is the first time in the history that we are talking about equality of gender”. As I heard these words from my friend’s mouth, I realized the magnanimity of his statement. We, as a generation, are part of a progressive change in the very foundation of society. Slow, yet existent.

            Man and Woman, or as feminists would suggest, Woman and Man, have now the opportunity to talk about being considered equal and treated as individuals, regardless of the gender they belong to. This does not mean they are both expected to bear offsprings, or both expected to run as fast, but it means both the genders have the equal rights to choose the lives that they wish to have.

            As history stands to teach us, Change has never come easy. Scholars who said the earth was round, when everybody was more than convinced it was flat; freedom-fighters who said the foreign invaders had no place ravaging their homelands and fought for freedom; or educated citizens who said no king or queen could govern a country as effectively as a democratic republic, can all stand testimony to how tough and testing change can be!

            In this generation, the change we talk of is the way we look at the genders that exist in our societies (or rather, in our minds). We are the people who will be remembered in the future centuries to come, as the people who broke down barriers that has pulled people down with true potential for greatness, and freed them from the binds that force them to conform to the norms of the gender-biased societies.

            Do we want to be a part of this change? Do we want to be remembered for the greatness that we as a community have achieved? Do we want to allow people to achieve greatness and contribute to the entire humanity moving forward? Why not!

            The world was always faced with new innovations, theories and techniques, that rattled its very foundation. The discovery of fire, the invention of the computer, the proposal of the Big Bang Theory, the concept of Free Education, and countless such examples taken from the very history of the species that we belong to. None of these changes were accepted painlessly, yet they eventually were. The path to gender equality also faces a similar destiny.

            The little battles fought today, will certainly bring about the change that people have begun to realize, is necessary in this world. Why not be a part of this battle and fight the odds, afterall change is the only thing that is constant.

Also Read : 

• Only Because She Was A Woman
• Happiness Or Peace

Gender Discrimination with an Education - Why I make a horrible Indian Wife

     Brilliant music, Brilliant drive and a Brilliant friend to have an engaging chat with. Just a few minutes before this drive home with my friend, he had happened to introduce me to this crush. A very sweet and homely girl, who would obviously make a wonderful Indian wife. We were discussing about his future with this very sweet and homely girl, if they were to start a relationship together.What could possibly be flawed in this setting of two friends having a normal chat?

     A friend of mine always tells me I think in "two layers". I see what most people don't see(maybe choose not to see) or rather I read between the lines. I assume this is not so acceptable by most, but it is this "two layered" thinking that helps me write my blog.
     I could already see her making his family happy with her cooking, and her treatment of the in-laws. She would make a good Indian Wife and a good Indian Bride (The idea of the role of wife that my country holds may not be in agreement with what idea I hold). I could see why my friend likes her, and he seconded that idea too. A perfect match about to happen... Wait! My "two layered" thinking has yet to come to play here.
     In spite of her perfect representation of the bharatiya naari (Indian Woman), that our 'tradition', 'culture' and our 'history' teaches us day-in and day-out, we both noticed and agreed that they had nothing in common at all. Two months of talking and they would run out of engaging conversations for the rest of their happily married life(My friend might be looking for a gun to shoot me right now for writing this blog post. But I'm a risk taker ;P )
     So I inconspicuously asked, "Se might make your family happy, but it is still you who has to spend the rest of your life with her. So shouldn't you marry a girl you would really want to spend that life with?"
     I got an explanation as to why that would be close to impossible from my friend, that I wasn't really surprised at hearing. He went on to say if he were to ever introduce a girl like me, with whom he more in common to his mother and say he wants to marry me, his family would be devastated and in ruins, and his mother would eventually make him choose between me and her (There is a slight level of exaggeration, but you should get the idea that I would not be accepted as an Indian Bride in his Indian Family).
     That was obvious. Let me take the effort of explaining to you why marrying me is such a taboo.

• I do not know how to cook, and I will not put in the extra effort to learn cooking just because all my aunties and mother's friends tell me I need it to please my husband and in-laws with my cooking. They are grown people, they should either feed themselves or hire a cook. I am not going to be their servant.
• I will not give up my education or my career or my dreams according to the family that I marry into, because they believe a woman has to take care of the family while the man and the elders make the big decisions in the house. I have always been and will always be an independent woman who makes her own decisions. 
• I am spiritual, which means I am not religious. So a typical Indian wedding with rituals whose meanings literally nobody knows, is not something I will be a part of.
• I will not change my second name to my husband's second name, or any such changes that will show that I am only a wife and nothing else.
• I will not... I repeat I will not jump into a fire like Sita did to prove how good a wife she was to Lord Rama(A reference to the Indian holy book called the bhagavadgita). If my husband can't trust me, he has some issues!

     Now that I started listing out the reasons, I realise there are so many more that make me a horrible Indian Bride! But, I think I will run the risk of never finding an Indian Husband, if it means I get to be independent, make my own decisions, live my dreams and most of all BE TREATED EQUALLY in spite of my gender.  

     Our gender bias and our concept of roles of the genders is so deeply rooted in our culture and society, that this kind of gender discrimination goes entirely unnoticed. Most people do not even see how wrong and discriminative this practice of defining a perfect Indian Bride is! Good cook, Good looking, Fair, Doesn't have male-friends, Chaste, Good at taking orders, Doesn't drink or smoke, possibly gives a good massage, etc etc etc etc etc... I feel like we Indian women are up for sale. If you do not fit that description, or fight against the existence on such descriptions then you are flawed, you are unmarry-able.

     Education hasn't helped this scenario either. The only difference it has made is that now the Indian Wife is expected to cook, clean, please her husband and her in-laws, and in addition also earn a part of the income. How has the society really changed if independent women will find it so hard to be accepted into an Indian Family as a Bride?

     Being a sweet and homely wife is not something I am undermining. I know how hard and wonderful a job it is to be a wife and a mother. But shouldn't this choice be entirely upto the woman herself, and not anybody else. If a woman like me chooses a different life that our 'tradition' and 'culture' doesn't preach, then do I make a horrible wife?

     If an Indian Family rejects me as a Good Indian Bride only because I wish to be treated equally and with respect, and want to exercise my rights and freedom, then I am happy! In fact I am proud of standing up for this half of humanity. I in turn reject them, reject them all from our society! 

     My friendship with my friend is something I will always cherish. Our shared interests and our brilliant chats. I respect him with all my heart and believe truly in his talent and worth. Hence I wish none of my opinions are taken as personal. But I am an Indian woman fighting for a society that treats women equally and gives us a status and respect we deserve. Long way to go, but the fight has to start somewhere right?

Also Read :

• A Friend No More!
• The Animal Side Of Man

Blast From The Past

     I was out with my mom buying books today.I just love books!!!Coming out of a 3 storey book store, with the subtle scent of new books all around always makes me feel so contented for some reason........I came out to the parking lot with my mom and standing right next to our bike was my 3rd grade sir that I hadn't seen for a long time.I remembered him really well.Just a glance and I knew it was him!
     I saw him laughing and talking on the phone.I don't know if he remembered me after so many years, but he seemed to notice that I recognized him.I don't know if it was the anger swelling up or the anguish that I had forgotten so many years ago, but I certainly felt something!I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream and I know I certainly wished I could make him feel the pain he caused to me and God knows how many other girls in his life.

    I was little when he was my teacher and I admit I have the memory of a goldfish, but I could never forget him and I know I never will either.He is the kind of man who to the society seems like a "good and decent man" (if not an angel!) but to those few who see his true colours, he is an evil man (if not the devil himself!).The right word to describe what he did (trust me I'm trying my best to find a non-offensive word here) is Sexual Abuse!
     All these years I had read and heard about girls and women of all ages being molested, women at offices being sexually harassed and women sexually abused by their own family members, but I confess I didn't give it much thought.....until I saw the man who was my teacher standing a few feet away from me.I remember he didn't do anything too abusive with me, but I also remember he was removed from the school for his other serious attempts that finally came to light!I am not one of those girls who cries when her nail breaks or when her teachers yell at her, yet this blast from the past certainly took me by surprise........call it trauma call it a bad memory, no girl deserves to go through any of this!
     We all have the power to change this.....the power to stop cowardly men like him from destroying lives of many all over the world!All we need is the heart to stand up and do what is necessary.When your daughter or sister, however young, comes home and tells you about a "bad man", I beg you LISTEN TO HER!She might be telling the truth.If in case it turns out to be the truth please TELL THE POLICE!Men like him only belong behind bars.....away from our girls and women.
     In a conservative country like India, people often chose not to make it a "big issue".But, remember every guilty sex offender that is let go, abuses 20 more innocent girls before he is finally punished for his actions(In some cases like my sir, they are never punished!!!).I agree in some cases it seems just too hopeless........no way to come back from the pain, but there is always a light somewhere if you just look hard enough.I have posted a video(thanks to my dear sister for sharing it with me) to show there are people(I like to say angels) who are doing more than we can even imagine for issues like these.I hope it inspires a few souls reading my post.It is about a woman from Nepal called Anuradha Koirala, who helps women who are sexually abused and tortured......the video says it all.

     We all don't have the capability to do what she does, but we all have the capability to at least join in the cause and spread the message.Help protect the girls and women of our world, don't let them suffer with no voice to stand up for them.

Similar Posts :

• Stop Screaming!
• Why Do I Want To Become The Prime Minister?

The Animal Side Of Man

     Courtesy,Kindness,Respect,Gratitude;these are only some of the attributes that identify humans from the animals,or so we say.Over the past centuries we as the human species have come to think of ourselves as being different or rather wiser than the rest of the animal kingdom.How many times have we not been questioned by our elders"are you animals to be behaving this way?", therefore illustrating my observation that humans have begun to think of themselves as rather the masters of the world.

      As a person of curiosity I tend to observe people around me and their behaivour.Just the last month I happened to visit Ooty(a hill station in Tamil Nadu) with my family.We decided to hire a taxi and hence a driver also accompanied us.When we were passing through the bandipur forest we were fortunate enough to spot a lone wild Elephant.What a rare sight it is for the people of the 21st century!Our driver in his excitement to show us the animal,stopped the car closest he could to the wild animal.In spite of our presence the wild Elephant remained calm and minded its own business but to my astonishment our human driver began to make loud noises with the car's horn.I guess he expected the elephant would come out in a circus outfit and perform him tricks!It was at that moment that I wondered who really was the animal here - the wild Elephant or our Homo sapien driver?.... 

      Dogs are adored by the human kingdom for their loyalty,love and joviality.Especially their loyal nature fetched them the title ''The Best Friend to Man''.One evening, as was my routine, I took my dog out to play.When I and my pet dog were tussling with each other I got a call from my little sister,who in her early teens just began experiencing the predicaments of the teen life.From her voice I realised she had been through just one such experience and hence called upon her big sister for a little consolation.Her sob story was all about her best friend of  3 years who had gone behind her back and said unpleasant things about her to their other classmates.I understood her emotions completely as I myself had been through the same bitter experience not too many years ago.Just as her detailed explanation of the situation ended she exclaimed ''What a dog she is!".On hearing such a comparison of a back-stabbing best friend to a dog I looked at my little dog and smiled, and I thought to myself "Was calling the best friend a dog, a taunt to her or really a taunt to dogs?"......

      The hard work of a colony of ants,the responsibilities of the alpha male in a pack of wild monkeys,the dependability of a kangaroo mother in the australian outbacks,the perseverance of the penguin parents in the freezing Antarctics,the courage of the Wilder beasts of the African forests;these are only some of the natural characteristics of animals that make me spell-bound.The more animals I learn about,the more they seem human-like to me and the more humans I observe,the more animal-like they seem to me.Petty fights that lead to wars, petty differences that lead to violent discrimination,petty demands that lead to terrorism and petty misunderstandings that lead to man killing man, makes me ask myself are men really wiser than animals?Are men really the masters of the planet?

      I am neither a philosopher nor a scientist hence I wish to make no statements nor state any facts,but i am a mere observer to life.And I only wish to ask, are we humans acting like humans anymore or are we losing our human side?.....