When the earth shook and tore our souls apart (In Nepal, two months after the earthquakes)

  I landed in Nepal today, exactly two months after the earth shattering earthquakes destroyed so much here. Apparently, there have been two minor earthquakes since I've landed, and they've become such a normal part of life here, that even I didn't notice them. But, tomorrow seems to be on alert for a big quake, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do when the earth below me shakes!
     As to why I'm here at just this time in Nepal's history, well I'm trying to be superwoman. You know when there is someone in distress or in trouble, there is this highly empathetic, big-hearted, kind souled person, who sacrifices to help those in need? Well technically I'm supposed to be playing that role.
     Let me tell you the truth. One small little me, with two small little hands that have NEVER seen hard labour, can't do anything!
     We all walk around thinking we have control over things! As I heard my friend's first hand experience of how the entire building shook off its hinges, as she watched her little brother and sisters screaming for her, only thinking "we are going to die today!" as she lied to the little ones "don't panic, it'll be fine!", that feeling of control slipped like sand between my fingers as tears rolled down my face. Few hours later she heard her home back in the village was a pile of rubble, just a few minutes before all communications died. She said when she realised what life around her had turned into, she told herself "this is life". I'm not sure if there was sadness in her voice or a sense of acceptance.
     I ask myself now, what can I really do here? How can I help? I know what the action plan for the next few weeks will be for me, but I know I can not help them, I can not help anyone here or anywhere. This is life! Disaster, dread and death are all a part of it, and I have a feeling my journey now on will be that of accepting this simple truth. I can't help it, because it's not meant to be helped.
     Humanity will continue to suffer in natural disasters, cancer, mental illness and everything that is life, and all that we have is each other, all that we have is humanity. That is why I'm here, not to help, not to build, not to be superwoman, but to be a part of humanity.

NOTE : This post is an expression of what I felt and thought about during my visit to Nepal, and hope no body is offended by my piece of writing! The people here have faced a lot in the past couple of months and this is in no way a comment on that.

He Said He Has Three Girlfriends!

     It was just another day at my friend's place, the usual jibber-jabber, the annoyingly loud television and the random college friends walking in conveniently adding in their confusion into the jibber-jabber, that made no sense in the first place. Amidst this chaos, that one can surprisingly get used to, my friend introduced me to a new member, who I hadn't had the opportunity to meet before(I say opportunity since he is the protagonist of this blog post)
    "He is most famous guy in college and he has three girlfriends, all crazy about him." This was the first statement that heralded his initiation into the group. He blushed and his pride in this "achievement" of his was evident.
     To my surprise my friend looked at me with a glance that hinted that I remark on the new member's ability to collect women as one would collect candies or toy cars! All that came out my mouth was a "Sorry!"
     As expected, looks of confusion were directed at me. I realised I was supposed to be impressed somehow and probably should have offered to be the fourth girlfriend. I had to cover up and say "I'm sorry for you! It's a struggle to even survive one relationship, and you manage three", when I originally wanted to say "I'm sorry for you! Your lack of a decent education and mental maturity is so evident." But then again it was our first rendez-vous, and I didn't want to scare the guy away with my strong opinions and principles(Call me crazy!)
    I should have been more offended at the fact that such a young and a potential future advocate of this nation(this jibber-jabbering lot were all students of Law) , didn't comprehend how preposterous his "achievement" of not only deceiving three women was, but also how badly it reflected on his ability to treat women as an equal gender that deserved respect and courtesy. But then again who am I to say anything!
    I was more disappointed with my friend who welcomed in this member to whom women were just collectible items, with open arms (literally!). The day continued on as if nothing was wrong and nothing needed any attention.
    As a society and as citizens we have the right to draw a line as to what is acceptable and what is not. We hold loud discussions in cafeterias about the condition of women in this nation, we throw mud on the government for not protecting women enough and eventually we point fingers at the women itself for provoking the crime done against them, but none of us ever stand up in our everyday lives against people like him.
   His choice of treatment of women and his wrongly-placed pride in it should have found a stop amongst his peers, who have the ability to realise how damaging an attitude such as that can be not only to the three women, but the society at large. Yet we fear and we hesitate to say NO! STOP! Women are equal! Women deserve better!
     *Everyone has the equal right to be with the partner they choose and exercise their sexual freedom, but only as long as the rights of the other people involved are also being respected!

    Things do not change; we change

~HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Don't Forget to Read :

• The choice between ME and who YOU want me to be
• How can I be proud of being an Indian Woman?

Battle for Gender Equality

“This is the first time in the history that we are talking about equality of gender”. As I heard these words from my friend’s mouth, I realized the magnanimity of his statement. We, as a generation, are part of a progressive change in the very foundation of society. Slow, yet existent.

            Man and Woman, or as feminists would suggest, Woman and Man, have now the opportunity to talk about being considered equal and treated as individuals, regardless of the gender they belong to. This does not mean they are both expected to bear offsprings, or both expected to run as fast, but it means both the genders have the equal rights to choose the lives that they wish to have.

            As history stands to teach us, Change has never come easy. Scholars who said the earth was round, when everybody was more than convinced it was flat; freedom-fighters who said the foreign invaders had no place ravaging their homelands and fought for freedom; or educated citizens who said no king or queen could govern a country as effectively as a democratic republic, can all stand testimony to how tough and testing change can be!

            In this generation, the change we talk of is the way we look at the genders that exist in our societies (or rather, in our minds). We are the people who will be remembered in the future centuries to come, as the people who broke down barriers that has pulled people down with true potential for greatness, and freed them from the binds that force them to conform to the norms of the gender-biased societies.

            Do we want to be a part of this change? Do we want to be remembered for the greatness that we as a community have achieved? Do we want to allow people to achieve greatness and contribute to the entire humanity moving forward? Why not!

            The world was always faced with new innovations, theories and techniques, that rattled its very foundation. The discovery of fire, the invention of the computer, the proposal of the Big Bang Theory, the concept of Free Education, and countless such examples taken from the very history of the species that we belong to. None of these changes were accepted painlessly, yet they eventually were. The path to gender equality also faces a similar destiny.

            The little battles fought today, will certainly bring about the change that people have begun to realize, is necessary in this world. Why not be a part of this battle and fight the odds, afterall change is the only thing that is constant.

Also Read : 

• Only Because She Was A Woman
• Happiness Or Peace

The Choice Between ME And Who YOU Want Me To Be

     He looked into my eyes with great concern and said, "Why do you think you are different? Just be Normal like everybody else and gel in." 

     For a second it seemed like a decent advice that in my 20 years of ups and downs, never occurred to me apparently. I have to be honest and confess, I've always felt a lack of belonging and felt like I need to be somewhere else but the place that I was in. I've always felt when I was talking, I was heard but never truly understood. Maybe I was talking a different language or talking of a different world. Maybe I was just insane, suffered a genetic mutation or was just different. "Just be like everybody else". 

Should I be ME or just like the rest be?

     Maybe I should start dressing exactly like my friends and stop bothering about gender equality. Maybe I should straighten my hair and stop talking about improving the education system of my country.  Maybe I should just get a masters degree(In the very education system I opine as incapable!) instead of wanting to travel the world to see its true beauty. Yes! Maybe I should give up all my dreams, all my passions, all my heart's desires just so that all the people around me will look at me and say, "she is normal, she is just like the rest of us."

      We live in a society where people of beauty, wealth and power are worshiped (Need I state the countless examples of who our society wrongfully appreciates?). We have a set of behaivoural guidelines and habits that we deem as NORMAL. The things we wear, the way we speak, the places that we visit , the people that we date or even the dreams we Dare to Dream. They all have to be a certain way that the majority doesn't frown upon. 

     But what if I want to break away from that NORMAL. What if I want to set out on a path that has not been tread on by the generations before me. I am scared and am certainly unsure of what lies ahead. But  do I let these fears stop me? I am alone in trying to be that someone that the society says is DIFFERENT. Do I step back and live a life that I dread, just because people on the street don't recognize me for who I am?

     Why is it that we have a fear something new. We let that fear stop us from freeing our souls to the unknown. If I dare to say I want to take two years off from my education, to travel this beautiful world and learn about the planet I belong to, all I hear are gasps of utter fright and certain cases of disappointment (Sorry my main aim in life is not the own a yellow Ferrari and a bungalow on the palm islands in Dubai!)

     Our obsession with complying with this standard of NORMAL, makes us so prejudiced and biased. If a man chooses to love a man instead of a woman like the rest of us, why do we say he is committing a sin? If a woman is healthier than most of us by about 80 Kilos, then why do the words 'fat' and 'ugly' automatically enter into our minds? If a man wears torn clothes and earns less than most of us, why do we assume he is worthless and achieved nothing mentionable at all? 

     We judge them so instantly and recklessly, that it is truly unfortunate. We spend our whole lives learning that true beauty of a person lies on the inside, yet all we care about is the outside. All the wonderful people we stop ourselves from knowing, just because we don't agree with what and who they are! All the wonderful things we stop ourselves from becoming, just because others might not agree with what and who we are!

     My very concerned friend, was obviously concerned that I felt alone and isolated. But do I change myself just so that I am accepted? Do I lose everything that truly makes me ME, just so that I am identified with pretty words? 

     Just when I had decided I am going to be all alone in my fight to re-define NORMAL, I had an epiphany (I had to use this word, because I just love the way it sounds!). I am not alone at all! Just a few days later another good friend of mine said "whatever you are is your state of NORMAL, not what others say it needs to be". No need to lose myself in the crowd then? A week later I met a room full of people with more zeal than me to give up on NORMAL dreams of wealth and power, in order to work for the community. No need to give up on my dreams then? 

     

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

~ Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Don't Forget to Also Read :   

• Dream To Be Free
• The Little Things That Make Heaven

   

The 2012 Promise

     Another new year has come…Parties, Alcohol, Fireworks, Gourmet food, New year presents, Dancing friends all around, Screaming “HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRR”…Well, I had none! I welcomed 2012 sitting cozily on my bean bag, watching Star Movies and eating my humble little cake I had managed to make earlier, all by myself. While everybody (almost everybody) I knew was out celebrating the coming of 2012, I had all the time in the world to sit and think. And sit and think I did!

     The clock struck 12 but I hadn’t yet decided upon a New Year’s resolution. Oh My God!(Now that we are here, can I please say the usage of ‘omg’ is just so annoying! ). Here is the shortlisted resolutions I had in mind: 

     1. Control my anger…(Good one I know, but I’m a teenager! Don’t blame me, blame my hormones!) 

     2. Listen to others’ opinions too…(It’s not my fault my voice is loud. I’m sorry I can’t hear your voice over mine!)

     3. Learn to cook…(Hhheheehhehe…yeah right!) 

     4. Study better…(How does this one always manage to come into my resolutions list? somebody get this out of here) 

     5. Learn to spend less on useless things such as mufflers I can never wear in the Mysore heat or 3-inch stilettos I can never walk with on Mysore roads …(Damn! I hate myself for putting this one on the list. I’m a girl, I love shopping!)

     I must say I have been making resolutions for the past three years, and I am proud to say I have been successful with them all(I’m not kidding!). This year picking the right resolution is even more important for two reasons… 

     1) It is 2012!!!The end of the world!!! What if this is the last resolution that I will ever make? What if all the prophecies forecasting the End of the World might actually turn out to be true? You cannot ignore something just because it sounds crazy, right?…and 

     2)I’m turning 19!!!(Ah yes. Now you know my age. So what?)…It’s a milestone in a way. This is my last year of being a teen! No more excuses for all the crazy things I do. I need to wipe the frown off of my face and mature. Take responsibilities for my actions and learn the value of things(WOW! I’m already starting to sound like my mother!). 

     For these two significant reasons I needed a solid resolution and needed it fast! 

      New year’s day came and went away too. And I still didn’t have a resolution. And today, 12 days later, I am turning 19! My life’s real new year has begun and things surprisingly seem clearer. No! Neither did a light from heaven shine upon me nor did the ghost of Christmas show me my past, present and future. I guess I just opened my eyes…(I should maybe mention I began to read a very interesting book my a Buddhist monk called “What makes you not a Buddhist” . Even the first few pages of Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse taught me quite a lot.) 

     I have lived a life trying to make not only myself but also the people around me happy as much as I could, whenever I could. I have tried being as environmental-friendly and animal-loving as I could. Though I am proud of all that I have done and tried getting done, it still doesn’t feel enough!

     The time that I have tried spreading smiles, I know that I have been a reason for several tears in many lives too, intentionally or unintentionally! There have been times when I knew I could help someone out, yet I didn’t because of reasons pertaining to my well-being. And there have been times when I have been just plain unreasonable! Many friendships have ended, relationships have dissolved and attachments have died. I know I can’t bring them all back, and I cannot heal all wounds, but I wish to take this chance to say Sorry… 

     Sorry to all those people I have hurt, wronged and harmed. I know this seems to be a normal spur-of-the-moment blog post, but the emotion behind that Sorry is something I cannot put into words.

     I share this planet I call home with a lot more people( can’t forget animals and plants) than I can even imagine. Its time I start thinking about them too, right?

     So what is my final resolution, after all the thinking and emotional drama and blah blah of mine?. “Try to bring in as less negativity and sorrow into this world as possible. There is enough already!”. Simple and easy to follow eh?... Well if I find it too hard I can always jump to my back-up resolution of becoming a Charlie’s Angel!

Blast From The Past

     I was out with my mom buying books today.I just love books!!!Coming out of a 3 storey book store, with the subtle scent of new books all around always makes me feel so contented for some reason........I came out to the parking lot with my mom and standing right next to our bike was my 3rd grade sir that I hadn't seen for a long time.I remembered him really well.Just a glance and I knew it was him!
     I saw him laughing and talking on the phone.I don't know if he remembered me after so many years, but he seemed to notice that I recognized him.I don't know if it was the anger swelling up or the anguish that I had forgotten so many years ago, but I certainly felt something!I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream and I know I certainly wished I could make him feel the pain he caused to me and God knows how many other girls in his life.

    I was little when he was my teacher and I admit I have the memory of a goldfish, but I could never forget him and I know I never will either.He is the kind of man who to the society seems like a "good and decent man" (if not an angel!) but to those few who see his true colours, he is an evil man (if not the devil himself!).The right word to describe what he did (trust me I'm trying my best to find a non-offensive word here) is Sexual Abuse!
     All these years I had read and heard about girls and women of all ages being molested, women at offices being sexually harassed and women sexually abused by their own family members, but I confess I didn't give it much thought.....until I saw the man who was my teacher standing a few feet away from me.I remember he didn't do anything too abusive with me, but I also remember he was removed from the school for his other serious attempts that finally came to light!I am not one of those girls who cries when her nail breaks or when her teachers yell at her, yet this blast from the past certainly took me by surprise........call it trauma call it a bad memory, no girl deserves to go through any of this!
     We all have the power to change this.....the power to stop cowardly men like him from destroying lives of many all over the world!All we need is the heart to stand up and do what is necessary.When your daughter or sister, however young, comes home and tells you about a "bad man", I beg you LISTEN TO HER!She might be telling the truth.If in case it turns out to be the truth please TELL THE POLICE!Men like him only belong behind bars.....away from our girls and women.
     In a conservative country like India, people often chose not to make it a "big issue".But, remember every guilty sex offender that is let go, abuses 20 more innocent girls before he is finally punished for his actions(In some cases like my sir, they are never punished!!!).I agree in some cases it seems just too hopeless........no way to come back from the pain, but there is always a light somewhere if you just look hard enough.I have posted a video(thanks to my dear sister for sharing it with me) to show there are people(I like to say angels) who are doing more than we can even imagine for issues like these.I hope it inspires a few souls reading my post.It is about a woman from Nepal called Anuradha Koirala, who helps women who are sexually abused and tortured......the video says it all.

     We all don't have the capability to do what she does, but we all have the capability to at least join in the cause and spread the message.Help protect the girls and women of our world, don't let them suffer with no voice to stand up for them.

Similar Posts :

• Stop Screaming!
• Why Do I Want To Become The Prime Minister?

Kiss My Feet....

     "All Men Are Equal", whoever said this must have either been a true optimist, hoping this would be the custom of the society or just a blind man, unaware of the reality in the present world.Are all men really equal?The answer to this question I do not know, yet I wish that the man who said it would have actually been right.

     Recently I happened to meet a leader of a religious society.I had seen him once before and had heard a lot about him and the society.The list of activities and achievements include the usual trophies flaunted by most such religious societies.It is rather amusing how different religious men believe in different Gods and different customs(some not believing in God but in spirituality) but end up doing the same things for the people.All in all he was a revered man having many followers and students all over the world.And I was very much excited to meet a man of such accomplishments.

     My friend, who was a student at one of the society's schools, took me to him.As we entered the room filled with books and picture frames, I saw him sitting at his table with about 5 other men sitting in chairs in front of him waiting for his orders.I knew well enough to fold my hands as a sign of respect and say namaste with a big smile.But to my horror my friend bent down, got down on all his fours and touched the man's feet with his forehead(Maybe even kissed his feet, I did not see clearly in my state of shock).Everybody was staring at me probably expecting I would follow suit!(well, I did not!!!)
    The men in that room might have seen it as a sign of disrespect and rebel(As all teenagers are expected to be) but I know well how much respect I had for him in spite of not showing it in ways approved by them.But I still continued to smile and answered to all the religious man's questions.But now as I think back and ponder upon that episode I feel, was what I did really appropriate?Was I really being disrespectful ?

    What is it in the religious man that makes him above us all?It is for all to see the good that he has done and the thousand of smiles he has brought upon the needy, but at the end of the day isn't he also a human being just like everyone of us?He isn't a God to be deserving such treatment......I asked my friend these same questions and the reply I got was "The good that he has done we will never be able to achieve, so this is our way of showing respect".I agreed with most of it, yet the idea of bending down and kissing a man's feet will never gain my approval, a man of flesh and blood just like us......
     We all look different, dress different, worship different things, believe in different ideals and do different things.We are like the stripes of a zebra,no two are alike yet from afar all look like zebras only, don't they?None of us are the same yet we are all equal...Atleast that's what I believe and wish am not wrong to....

My Conversation With Mr.Daniel...

    His Holiness the Dalai Lama,for those who do not know yet, is the head of state and a spiritual Buddhist leader of Tibet.But what attracts me more towards him is his message of peace.He is an advent activist of human rights,the environment and universal brotherhood.His work has not only won him 84 awards and countless appreciation but also the Nobel prize in the year 1989.His never ending fight for the protection of Human rights won my respect, love and support for him.And I was instilled with the dream to meet His Holiness and work with him someday!

The Bylakuppe sera temple campus

    As if to answer my prayers the Dalai Lama scheduled his visit to Bylakuppe(a tibetan refugee camp near Mysore my home town).I took no time to plan my visit to Bylakuppe in hopes of at least catching a glimpse of him if not meeting him personally(which is totally out of question for a common-man like myself!).After finally convincing my over-protective mom that going without her with only a friend of mine is very much safe for a teenage girl,I set out on my quest for enlightenment from His Holiness.

    For a person who is of the habit of waking up as late as possible in the morning, waking up at 4 a.m in order to reach our destination was hard!Finally managing to wake up and getting ready,my friend and I,after waiting for half an hour at the bus stop,saw a typical government bus coming towards us.We thought that enquiring the bus conductor only about the destination would be enough,which we did and "bylakuppe" came the answer.With a sense of satisfaction we boarded our bus but to our dismay the bus was jam-packed!We had to journey standing up in a bus at 6 in the morning for almost half the journey with empty stomachs.In spite of all this I still got down at Bylakuppe with a smile because I knew I would be meeting with the Dalai Lama very soon.

    After searching around the 3,000 acres camp we finally found the monastery where the Dalai Lama was making his public speech.When I reached there I was utterly disappointed.The monastery had reached its maximum seating capacity and hence I had to stand out, from where the dalai lama looked as small as an ant!And to add to my disappointment His Holiness was speaking in complete Tibetan, whose head or tail I can not make out!After a few minutes standing out in the scorching sun and listening to a speech we could barely understand, I and my friend decided to leave from that place and go around to the monasteries.

Inside the beautiful sera temples holding the 80 feet statues

    No matter how sad, angry, irritated and in this case disappointed I am, when I enter a Buddhist monastery(called gumpa) I forget everything and experience true serenity.During my attempt to attain inner peace I noticed an interesting looking foreigner seated on the mats with folded legs and eyes closed and a peaceful look on his face.After a second's glance I looked away and went about my spiritual business.

    After staying inside the silent environment amongst the 80 feet golden Buddha statues to my heart's content, I stepped out only to find that foreigner outside with a few students with him.A kind smile and a small gesture ended up in a conversation with him.I, a teenager from India and Mr.Daniel(the name of the foreigner), a veteran drummer from Switzerland had quiet a lot in common than one could imagine.

Inside another temple in sera, bylakyppe

    We spoke about spirituality, French, switzerland, travel and what not!But what I take away the most from my conversation with Mr.Daniel is our discussion about human rights in India.It started off when we were talking about the prevailing attitude of Indians towards the Indian constitution.A highly impressed Mr.Daniel spoke of how beautifully thought and planned the constitution was but how Indians failed to realise its value.To this I illustrated how my "Constitution of India" teacher herself didn't respect our national anthem in my college.While I was expecting my fellow companion would nod in agreement and perhaps appreciate my patriotism, I was taken aback by his discord with my love for the national anthem.

    He went on to say how the national anthem was trivial as compared to the magnitude of human rights violation occurring in the country.Female foeticide, human trafficking and unlawful detention are only a tip of the huge iceberg he explained.I was pleasantly surprised by his argument, a side that I always knew but had never thought of.He spoke about these issues as if it were his own country,it was then that I realised humanity knows no bounds!
    With over 100 crore population and the World Health Organization coming out with facts such as  900,000 Indians dying each year from drinking contaminated water and breathing in polluted air,presence of only about 60 physicians per 100,000 people in India, it is of urgent importance that Indians start becoming sensitive towards human rights issues.Speaking with Mr.Daniel my mind was awoken to these issues.
    I do not remember for exactly how long we spoke to each other, maybe an hour or so, but I must say the amount of knowledge I gained from him in this time span was way greater than my "constitution of india" classes at college.It was not just knowledge but it was an enlightenment in a way that I attained.That evening I returned home with a smile on my face, as I knew even though I missed out on the Dalai lama's speech that I had waited so long for, my trip had proven to be worth all the pain I had been through to reach 'bylakuppe'.