HOW TO LOVE...

WARNING : There may be an excessive use of the word "Love" in this post. I suggest people uncomfortable with this word, don't fret, take a deep breath and then commence reading. You never know, you might actually fall in love with love.

     Love is a word we all use isn't it. Even when we talk of hate, we are actually talking of love. My life's journey has now led me to a stage where I want to feel love and compassion for all... Yes you read it right, for ALL!
     Love has always been a word that has come out of my lips, my entire life. Saying "I love you" to someone has been hard as well as easy for me. But, it is perhaps only now that I understand the real depth and significance of this word.
     Now how on earth am I going to love all, when there is so much to hate and detest in this world. When I thought real deep about love and compassion for ALL, I realised how herculean a task this is! If you are wondering, No I haven't managed to give unconditional love and compassion for the entire humanity, but good news I have figured out the first step.
     This first step is not giving up all your belongings to the poor of the world, it is not adopting all orphans into your home, it isn't even falling head over heels in love with someone. The first step towards Love is Not To Hate. It isn't even an action that requires effort, in fact it is the lack of all the pain and stress required to hate someone or something.
     Isn't the act of hating a big burden? Having to carry that lump of evil thoughts, curses, complains and what not, always around on your shoulders. What if you just let go of it all? You wouldn't have to love or forgive or even tolerate, you just stop hating. Doesn't it sound very relieving?
     Once that hate is let go of, our hearts and minds are lighter and cleansed, it is certainly easier to fill it with good thoughts and eventually with lots of love and compassion. If you are wondering if I really did try it, Yes I did. If you are wondering if it worked, guess what? Yes it worked!

The symbol of infinite Love and Wisdom, tattooed on my shoulder.

     I started with trying not to hate the nagging my mom does, trying not to hate the unbelievably gender biased movies that pass of as good films in the cinemas, trying not to hate the horribly rude auto drivers that try to loot you, trying not to hate some people that were really easy to hate, so on and so forth.
     As I reached this eureka moment in my journey of love and compassion, I also decided to mark my life with this new beginning. I got the infinity symbol of love and wisdom inked on my shoulder, to keep reminding me and to keep spreading the message of this simple word called Love.



Don't Forget to also check out my other posts :

• Just Five Clothes...
• He said he had three Girlfriends

     

The Choice Between ME And Who YOU Want Me To Be

     He looked into my eyes with great concern and said, "Why do you think you are different? Just be Normal like everybody else and gel in." 

     For a second it seemed like a decent advice that in my 20 years of ups and downs, never occurred to me apparently. I have to be honest and confess, I've always felt a lack of belonging and felt like I need to be somewhere else but the place that I was in. I've always felt when I was talking, I was heard but never truly understood. Maybe I was talking a different language or talking of a different world. Maybe I was just insane, suffered a genetic mutation or was just different. "Just be like everybody else". 

Should I be ME or just like the rest be?

     Maybe I should start dressing exactly like my friends and stop bothering about gender equality. Maybe I should straighten my hair and stop talking about improving the education system of my country.  Maybe I should just get a masters degree(In the very education system I opine as incapable!) instead of wanting to travel the world to see its true beauty. Yes! Maybe I should give up all my dreams, all my passions, all my heart's desires just so that all the people around me will look at me and say, "she is normal, she is just like the rest of us."

      We live in a society where people of beauty, wealth and power are worshiped (Need I state the countless examples of who our society wrongfully appreciates?). We have a set of behaivoural guidelines and habits that we deem as NORMAL. The things we wear, the way we speak, the places that we visit , the people that we date or even the dreams we Dare to Dream. They all have to be a certain way that the majority doesn't frown upon. 

     But what if I want to break away from that NORMAL. What if I want to set out on a path that has not been tread on by the generations before me. I am scared and am certainly unsure of what lies ahead. But  do I let these fears stop me? I am alone in trying to be that someone that the society says is DIFFERENT. Do I step back and live a life that I dread, just because people on the street don't recognize me for who I am?

     Why is it that we have a fear something new. We let that fear stop us from freeing our souls to the unknown. If I dare to say I want to take two years off from my education, to travel this beautiful world and learn about the planet I belong to, all I hear are gasps of utter fright and certain cases of disappointment (Sorry my main aim in life is not the own a yellow Ferrari and a bungalow on the palm islands in Dubai!)

     Our obsession with complying with this standard of NORMAL, makes us so prejudiced and biased. If a man chooses to love a man instead of a woman like the rest of us, why do we say he is committing a sin? If a woman is healthier than most of us by about 80 Kilos, then why do the words 'fat' and 'ugly' automatically enter into our minds? If a man wears torn clothes and earns less than most of us, why do we assume he is worthless and achieved nothing mentionable at all? 

     We judge them so instantly and recklessly, that it is truly unfortunate. We spend our whole lives learning that true beauty of a person lies on the inside, yet all we care about is the outside. All the wonderful people we stop ourselves from knowing, just because we don't agree with what and who they are! All the wonderful things we stop ourselves from becoming, just because others might not agree with what and who we are!

     My very concerned friend, was obviously concerned that I felt alone and isolated. But do I change myself just so that I am accepted? Do I lose everything that truly makes me ME, just so that I am identified with pretty words? 

     Just when I had decided I am going to be all alone in my fight to re-define NORMAL, I had an epiphany (I had to use this word, because I just love the way it sounds!). I am not alone at all! Just a few days later another good friend of mine said "whatever you are is your state of NORMAL, not what others say it needs to be". No need to lose myself in the crowd then? A week later I met a room full of people with more zeal than me to give up on NORMAL dreams of wealth and power, in order to work for the community. No need to give up on my dreams then? 

     

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

~ Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Don't Forget to Also Read :   

• Dream To Be Free
• The Little Things That Make Heaven

   

Gender Discrimination with an Education - Why I make a horrible Indian Wife

     Brilliant music, Brilliant drive and a Brilliant friend to have an engaging chat with. Just a few minutes before this drive home with my friend, he had happened to introduce me to this crush. A very sweet and homely girl, who would obviously make a wonderful Indian wife. We were discussing about his future with this very sweet and homely girl, if they were to start a relationship together.What could possibly be flawed in this setting of two friends having a normal chat?

     A friend of mine always tells me I think in "two layers". I see what most people don't see(maybe choose not to see) or rather I read between the lines. I assume this is not so acceptable by most, but it is this "two layered" thinking that helps me write my blog.
     I could already see her making his family happy with her cooking, and her treatment of the in-laws. She would make a good Indian Wife and a good Indian Bride (The idea of the role of wife that my country holds may not be in agreement with what idea I hold). I could see why my friend likes her, and he seconded that idea too. A perfect match about to happen... Wait! My "two layered" thinking has yet to come to play here.
     In spite of her perfect representation of the bharatiya naari (Indian Woman), that our 'tradition', 'culture' and our 'history' teaches us day-in and day-out, we both noticed and agreed that they had nothing in common at all. Two months of talking and they would run out of engaging conversations for the rest of their happily married life(My friend might be looking for a gun to shoot me right now for writing this blog post. But I'm a risk taker ;P )
     So I inconspicuously asked, "Se might make your family happy, but it is still you who has to spend the rest of your life with her. So shouldn't you marry a girl you would really want to spend that life with?"
     I got an explanation as to why that would be close to impossible from my friend, that I wasn't really surprised at hearing. He went on to say if he were to ever introduce a girl like me, with whom he more in common to his mother and say he wants to marry me, his family would be devastated and in ruins, and his mother would eventually make him choose between me and her (There is a slight level of exaggeration, but you should get the idea that I would not be accepted as an Indian Bride in his Indian Family).
     That was obvious. Let me take the effort of explaining to you why marrying me is such a taboo.

• I do not know how to cook, and I will not put in the extra effort to learn cooking just because all my aunties and mother's friends tell me I need it to please my husband and in-laws with my cooking. They are grown people, they should either feed themselves or hire a cook. I am not going to be their servant.
• I will not give up my education or my career or my dreams according to the family that I marry into, because they believe a woman has to take care of the family while the man and the elders make the big decisions in the house. I have always been and will always be an independent woman who makes her own decisions. 
• I am spiritual, which means I am not religious. So a typical Indian wedding with rituals whose meanings literally nobody knows, is not something I will be a part of.
• I will not change my second name to my husband's second name, or any such changes that will show that I am only a wife and nothing else.
• I will not... I repeat I will not jump into a fire like Sita did to prove how good a wife she was to Lord Rama(A reference to the Indian holy book called the bhagavadgita). If my husband can't trust me, he has some issues!

     Now that I started listing out the reasons, I realise there are so many more that make me a horrible Indian Bride! But, I think I will run the risk of never finding an Indian Husband, if it means I get to be independent, make my own decisions, live my dreams and most of all BE TREATED EQUALLY in spite of my gender.  

     Our gender bias and our concept of roles of the genders is so deeply rooted in our culture and society, that this kind of gender discrimination goes entirely unnoticed. Most people do not even see how wrong and discriminative this practice of defining a perfect Indian Bride is! Good cook, Good looking, Fair, Doesn't have male-friends, Chaste, Good at taking orders, Doesn't drink or smoke, possibly gives a good massage, etc etc etc etc etc... I feel like we Indian women are up for sale. If you do not fit that description, or fight against the existence on such descriptions then you are flawed, you are unmarry-able.

     Education hasn't helped this scenario either. The only difference it has made is that now the Indian Wife is expected to cook, clean, please her husband and her in-laws, and in addition also earn a part of the income. How has the society really changed if independent women will find it so hard to be accepted into an Indian Family as a Bride?

     Being a sweet and homely wife is not something I am undermining. I know how hard and wonderful a job it is to be a wife and a mother. But shouldn't this choice be entirely upto the woman herself, and not anybody else. If a woman like me chooses a different life that our 'tradition' and 'culture' doesn't preach, then do I make a horrible wife?

     If an Indian Family rejects me as a Good Indian Bride only because I wish to be treated equally and with respect, and want to exercise my rights and freedom, then I am happy! In fact I am proud of standing up for this half of humanity. I in turn reject them, reject them all from our society! 

     My friendship with my friend is something I will always cherish. Our shared interests and our brilliant chats. I respect him with all my heart and believe truly in his talent and worth. Hence I wish none of my opinions are taken as personal. But I am an Indian woman fighting for a society that treats women equally and gives us a status and respect we deserve. Long way to go, but the fight has to start somewhere right?

Also Read :

• A Friend No More!
• The Animal Side Of Man

Electric Bike Anyone!?...

     It was about 2 years ago that I went up to my mom and said "I want an electric bike!"
She looked at me suspiciously and said "Are you suuuuuure?". If I weren't would I be asking her for it?(I had actually done my research!)
 
     For some reason she thought I was joking. Well actually for precisely three reasons she thought I was joking.
(1)It doesn't go above 40 kmph.
(2)It can't carry more than 120kgs weight.
(3)It needs to be charged everyday like a cellphone.
     After I finally bought it, I found another reason to add to her list
(4)It draws attention on the road! and actually gives people reason enough to make fun of it(never understood why though)

      My mom thought it was more sensible to buy a Honda Activa. It ran on petrol, had more power and could carry atleast three people comfortably. What else could you want? We had some very long discussions(With my mom and I, the discussions are more like arguments but we still prefer calling it discussions) but my stubborn attitude finally got me a new electric bike.

     In the beginning it was a little hard to explain to people about the consequences of fossil fuel on the environment and my reasons to do my part and so on.It was exhausting telling everyone than looked at me with a smirk and asked "electric bike?..... Really?" (Makes you wonder what our education system is worth huh?).

     But a year into my new purchase the petrol prices started to rise. It really didn't affect me. I mean I plug in my bike to the switch board. My bike has never been to a petrol pump! But everytime someone asked me ;"Electric bike?... Really?...", I loved saying "Wait and watch". I felt like Nostradamus who knew the petrol prices were going to increase forever, while I would still be charging my bike.

     And today the price is so high that some of my friends are actually considering buying an electric bike. Renewable sources is the new energy source!I felt like Columbus who was laughed at for saying the earth is round(Yes I do get a weird pleasure by comparing myself to great men from the history). He proved it right! My decision to buy an electric bike makes my mom love me more today.

     So, Elecrtric bike?... anyone?

Similar Posts :

• Letter To An Editor

Letter To An Editor



The trees lining the Boulevard road.



    Last year the Boulevard road became notoriously famous in Mysore.As the name suggests its a beautiful road lined with monumental trees planted by the king of mysore during the age of  imperialism in the city.The trees which are naturally divine heightened their beauty with their royal age.But as is the usual attitude of humans they just cant let go of an opportunity to kill natural beauty in the name of development!This precisely was the issue debated by thousands in the city and I was one among them.

   The case was highlighted when a drunk driver cruising on this road at inexcuseable speeds crashed against one of these trees and died,killing with him rest of the passengers.And people who professed the idea of  doing good to the society came up with a plan.They concluded that in this case the trees posed as a tremendous danger to citizens and hence the easiest and the smartest solution was to chop these 'murderous' tress off!But the influence or rather the consequence of alcohol consumption was totally ignored!!!
   There were a series of  articles by the general public published in a local newspaper supporting and appreciating this idea of cutting the trees in order to widen the roads.To my bewilderment even the editor wrote paragraphs over paragraphs justifying this decision which eventually turned into condemnation of the state government which was on the verge of pronouncing that the tress not be cut.Everyday the paper had opinions of those including the editor who thought that cutting of about 330 trees aged over a century was the only way out!
   I am an environment lover.Which meant that I most certainly disagreed with all these opinions.I am not against development or doing good for the society,but cutting of so many trees when there was a more practical way out seemed unreasonable to me.Re-routing the traffic to another highway already existing close-by and already wide enough was an idea that I supported.But the editor seemed to have turned a blind eye towards this suggestion by other environmentalists and experts in the city.And in hopes of opening his eye I wrote a letter to the editor which goes like this........
   

sir,

    I am very happy to note that you are so concerned about the well being of the citizens of mysore and hence are supporting the cutting of the trees on the boulevard road.Its not very often that you find such concerned and aware human beings these days...but I really wish you had cared enough to investigate both sides of the story.or rather just used ur common sense!!!

    we humans have never been able to survive without the elements of nature.and I highly doubt we have the power to do so even now.The plight of the farmers due to the dried up rivers and dams should be enough to prove my point!Atleast the frequent power cuts should help!If you read around a little bit you would find that the GLOBAL WARMING  is the cause for all this!And if you read further(if u care to) you would find that the CUTTING OF TREES is the cause for global warming.Its really hard for me to digest the fact that an educated person like you,is being so blind and ignorant.

    You are of the belief that the widening of the road will save a couple of lives.But the experts all arond the world will tell you that to save a couple of lives you are risking the lives of the people of the whole world...maybe you hav not seen people suffering from cancer and asthma.I have! it sure is not a pretty sight.wondering why I mentioned it?You cut trees and these are the consequences you face!In the past two decades the life expectancy of humans decreased rapidly from 80 to 60!!!!an eye opener?It is reducing still further....

    These facts are not pretty but its the reality.Life is not as simple as just chopping off your problems.There is a complicated and balanced cycle maintained everywhere.You chop off one element and the one to suffer ultimately is YOU!the world will heal itself over centuries but it is us humans who have to suffer!

    All I ask from you is before you think of cutting these trees please see the faces of all the kids around you.A dried up, starving and famine-struck world is what you want to leave behind?or give them what your forefathers gave you the oppotunity to enjoy.

    hope I have had a positive effect on your mind....please think about what I have to say.This is not a simple matter so understand the complexities befor jumping to such drastic decisions.

    This is a plea from the truly concerned citizens of mysore.

A view of the boulevard road.

    sincerely ,

spoorthi

  My letter was not published in the paper but the editor(who was obviously enraged!) wrote a full page article indirectly replying in the negative to  my opinions.

  For those curious readers who want to know the final result of this battle,the state govenment ruled that the trees not be cut and the suggested re-routing of the heavy vehicle traffic was implemented.This meant that traffic drastically reduced on the Boulevard road and hence the trees continue to live on even today....smiling in victory or maybe waiting in fear of when people might come back with another reason to end them....