The 2012 Promise

     Another new year has come…Parties, Alcohol, Fireworks, Gourmet food, New year presents, Dancing friends all around, Screaming “HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRR”…Well, I had none! I welcomed 2012 sitting cozily on my bean bag, watching Star Movies and eating my humble little cake I had managed to make earlier, all by myself. While everybody (almost everybody) I knew was out celebrating the coming of 2012, I had all the time in the world to sit and think. And sit and think I did!

     The clock struck 12 but I hadn’t yet decided upon a New Year’s resolution. Oh My God!(Now that we are here, can I please say the usage of ‘omg’ is just so annoying! ). Here is the shortlisted resolutions I had in mind: 

     1. Control my anger…(Good one I know, but I’m a teenager! Don’t blame me, blame my hormones!) 

     2. Listen to others’ opinions too…(It’s not my fault my voice is loud. I’m sorry I can’t hear your voice over mine!)

     3. Learn to cook…(Hhheheehhehe…yeah right!) 

     4. Study better…(How does this one always manage to come into my resolutions list? somebody get this out of here) 

     5. Learn to spend less on useless things such as mufflers I can never wear in the Mysore heat or 3-inch stilettos I can never walk with on Mysore roads …(Damn! I hate myself for putting this one on the list. I’m a girl, I love shopping!)

     I must say I have been making resolutions for the past three years, and I am proud to say I have been successful with them all(I’m not kidding!). This year picking the right resolution is even more important for two reasons… 

     1) It is 2012!!!The end of the world!!! What if this is the last resolution that I will ever make? What if all the prophecies forecasting the End of the World might actually turn out to be true? You cannot ignore something just because it sounds crazy, right?…and 

     2)I’m turning 19!!!(Ah yes. Now you know my age. So what?)…It’s a milestone in a way. This is my last year of being a teen! No more excuses for all the crazy things I do. I need to wipe the frown off of my face and mature. Take responsibilities for my actions and learn the value of things(WOW! I’m already starting to sound like my mother!). 

     For these two significant reasons I needed a solid resolution and needed it fast! 

      New year’s day came and went away too. And I still didn’t have a resolution. And today, 12 days later, I am turning 19! My life’s real new year has begun and things surprisingly seem clearer. No! Neither did a light from heaven shine upon me nor did the ghost of Christmas show me my past, present and future. I guess I just opened my eyes…(I should maybe mention I began to read a very interesting book my a Buddhist monk called “What makes you not a Buddhist” . Even the first few pages of Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse taught me quite a lot.) 

     I have lived a life trying to make not only myself but also the people around me happy as much as I could, whenever I could. I have tried being as environmental-friendly and animal-loving as I could. Though I am proud of all that I have done and tried getting done, it still doesn’t feel enough!

     The time that I have tried spreading smiles, I know that I have been a reason for several tears in many lives too, intentionally or unintentionally! There have been times when I knew I could help someone out, yet I didn’t because of reasons pertaining to my well-being. And there have been times when I have been just plain unreasonable! Many friendships have ended, relationships have dissolved and attachments have died. I know I can’t bring them all back, and I cannot heal all wounds, but I wish to take this chance to say Sorry… 

     Sorry to all those people I have hurt, wronged and harmed. I know this seems to be a normal spur-of-the-moment blog post, but the emotion behind that Sorry is something I cannot put into words.

     I share this planet I call home with a lot more people( can’t forget animals and plants) than I can even imagine. Its time I start thinking about them too, right?

     So what is my final resolution, after all the thinking and emotional drama and blah blah of mine?. “Try to bring in as less negativity and sorrow into this world as possible. There is enough already!”. Simple and easy to follow eh?... Well if I find it too hard I can always jump to my back-up resolution of becoming a Charlie’s Angel!

I Am My Own Angel...

    I am a teenager! And like all teenagers are expected to, even I have my sudden mood swings and "attitude problems". I most certainly won't make excuses for it, neither will I expect somebody to understand it. Being around people of all ages, I have the opportunity to observe them (my favourite past-time!) and in my little way to understand. Today I will share my thoughts and experiences of being a teenager! Hope others like me can find a friend in this and parents, teachers and adults can read this and try to understand us. All we need is a little patience!!!

     Throughout our childhood we are made to listen to stories about handsome princes, fairy god mothers and magical wands that always come to our rescue. We wait our whole lives in hopes that there just might be such fantastical things to make all the unwanted elements of our lives go away, but it is when you are a teenager and begin to see real life, that you finally realize there are no such things. Is it so wrong to cope up with such news that breaks our hearts? A little show of anger or a little "attitude problem" is probably just excuses to cover up our disappointment at learning about the truth.

     We will always find people who will love us, people who will care for us, but it is truly rare and painstakingly difficult to find people (or i would like to call them angels) who will go out of their way just to make you smile. Maybe a little optimism, a little hope and a lot of patience just might find you that angel, but until then don’t burden anyone else with that responsibility of being the answer for all your worries.

     We all look at our fathers, our mothers, our teachers or anybody else we look up to, to understand us! Maybe that is why all teenagers scream "You just never understand me". Maybe no one can be that angel, maybe we all have to be our own angels. But then again, they themselves are looking out for such angels. Don't mistake me, I am neither complaining nor blaming adults around the world. But I only hope my immature words might make a small difference in somebody’s life, like how it’s making a difference in mine. We all need to learn to be our own angels!

     Some people are born lucky, born into homes and families. Some are a little less lucky, they need to find these homes and families. But most of us have to build these homes and families ourselves. Work hard throughout our lives to build love, to build hope and to build lives that we can live happily in. I have come to believe that it is during your teenage you begin to learn this truth of life. I recently got a forward message from a friend that was sent as a joke, but I must say it meant a lot more. It went like this "Teenagers are the most misunderstood people. We are treated like little kids but are expected to act like mature adults".

      "My whole life I have lived in pleasant thought,
      As if life's business were a summer mood;
      As if all needful things would come unsought
      To genial faith, still rich in genial good;
      But how can He expect that others should
      Build for him, sow for him, and at his call
      Love him, who for himself will take no heed at all?"

                            ~Resolution and Independence,

                              William Wordsworth