Back from the Hiatus

Attended the Dak Thok Tsechu Festival in Ladakh

     A little more than a week into the new year and I figured it would be the best time to come back from my almost six month hiatus from writing. The obsession with 'new year new beginnings' managed to catch me too I suppose.
     Writing has always been a passion of mine and who stays away from a passion for this long you ask? Well procrastination and laziness could be it, but fortunately this time I have a better excuse!
     My last trip to Bhutan and Kachch with my ex-boyfriend I noticed how much time we both spent on clicking pictures! The right angle, the right lighting, the right pose and the right everything for that one perfect picture. So much time spent manipulating things around me instead of looking at the beauty that the Paro Taktsang or the great white sand desert was! The meditative moments disrupted by aims to capture these meditative moments! Incroyable!

     There were times in history when people could memorise and recite epics, that lasted over weeks of recitation, all from memory, and here I am not able to remember the lyrics to one Adele song right. I remember reading an article (if its written down by someone it has to be true) that when man started writing down things, her memory capacity began to diminish. Which meant the more she encapsulated her memories and experiences in words, the more it escaped from her mind! This got me thinking...

Not a Foodie, but trying out the famous Lucknow Biryani

     What ever I did in the last six months, I told myself I wouldn't write about it extensively(other than a few simple notes and pictures). So what all did I do in the last six months? I broke up with a great guy, quit my 'job', stayed on my couch watching TV for a month until one day I stood up, packed my bags and began moving. I volunteered in Nepal, had amazing Biryani in Lucknow, fell in love with a commitment-phobic guy in Ladakh, saw for the first time how alcohol turns me into a dancer, almost saw Pakistan from Turtuk(well it was almost 13 kms away), ran away from family in Sikkim, tinder dated pretty decent guys in Hyderabad, fell in love a few more times, read so many amazing books, made meditation a part of my life, camped next to a dam in a random monastic village... Well I lived my life!

The family I stayed with in A village in Nepal

     The entire time, though I was tempted to write down a few inspired lines, I resisted. I wanted to live each moment for what it was ; the Present! I didn't want to think of it as a memory I would look back on or a tale I would narrate on a date. I just wanted to be... And well what do you know, I fell in love. I fell in love with the moment, I fell in love with love, I fell in love with the world and most of all I fell in love with myself (I also fell in love with the ladakhi guy, but he just couldn't commit). Without distractions of having to make that moment perfect, my mind and soul began to really experience the emotions and movements for what they were. I could feel them transforming me, I could feel them setting me free.
     I realise that the word "free" is such a big word to use, but I'm using it. I began defining the word freedom and love in a way I hadn't before, because the burden of someday looking back was lifted and I could truly live.
     Ofcourse it meant I don't have too many pictures to boast with or candid blog posts to share, but you know what I'll live.



Now that you have time, do also read :

• The big elephant in the room - My Parent's Seperation
• My Mom Is Beautiful...

When the earth shook and tore our souls apart (In Nepal, two months after the earthquakes)

  I landed in Nepal today, exactly two months after the earth shattering earthquakes destroyed so much here. Apparently, there have been two minor earthquakes since I've landed, and they've become such a normal part of life here, that even I didn't notice them. But, tomorrow seems to be on alert for a big quake, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do when the earth below me shakes!
     As to why I'm here at just this time in Nepal's history, well I'm trying to be superwoman. You know when there is someone in distress or in trouble, there is this highly empathetic, big-hearted, kind souled person, who sacrifices to help those in need? Well technically I'm supposed to be playing that role.
     Let me tell you the truth. One small little me, with two small little hands that have NEVER seen hard labour, can't do anything!
     We all walk around thinking we have control over things! As I heard my friend's first hand experience of how the entire building shook off its hinges, as she watched her little brother and sisters screaming for her, only thinking "we are going to die today!" as she lied to the little ones "don't panic, it'll be fine!", that feeling of control slipped like sand between my fingers as tears rolled down my face. Few hours later she heard her home back in the village was a pile of rubble, just a few minutes before all communications died. She said when she realised what life around her had turned into, she told herself "this is life". I'm not sure if there was sadness in her voice or a sense of acceptance.
     I ask myself now, what can I really do here? How can I help? I know what the action plan for the next few weeks will be for me, but I know I can not help them, I can not help anyone here or anywhere. This is life! Disaster, dread and death are all a part of it, and I have a feeling my journey now on will be that of accepting this simple truth. I can't help it, because it's not meant to be helped.
     Humanity will continue to suffer in natural disasters, cancer, mental illness and everything that is life, and all that we have is each other, all that we have is humanity. That is why I'm here, not to help, not to build, not to be superwoman, but to be a part of humanity.

NOTE : This post is an expression of what I felt and thought about during my visit to Nepal, and hope no body is offended by my piece of writing! The people here have faced a lot in the past couple of months and this is in no way a comment on that.