Destination Dharamsaala!

     This is a day that I feel I have to write down, for reasons that words just can’t explain. I’m saying this at the risk of sounding too romantic, but what’s the harm in falling in love with life, falling in love with the world, but not falling in love with a guy?

     With all my stubborn determination to travel the world, inspite of my previous mini-travel experiences, I have finally landed in Dharamsaala as a true traveler, or so I hope. Walking around the street alone in the beginning felt a little lonely, but as the sun climbed up the sky, through the clouds drizzling rain on us, the day just got better and better, and I somehow know that one post on my blog is just not enough to describe it, you have to live it!

The Stupa at the Monastery that I am staying in

     It began with joining a volunteering organization that helps teach Tibetan refugees foreign languages. Had a conversation class with a bunch of chatty enthusiastic Tibetan sweethearts, right after meeting travelers from Israel, Finland, USA, Canada and Britain who came in to volunteer as well.

Getting lost on the mountains to find a library certainly helped me lose a few kilos. I did not find the library, but I did find another organization that I fell in love with and will be teaching English at. Met a retired teacher from Taiwan who travelled the world with her seven year old daughter, had probably the world’s best momo soup and walked back to the monastery that I stay in. (Yes! I am living in a real monastery that has monks walking around in their red robes)

     I could just go on about this one single day! (and I will). Had weird chocolate donuts in a wonderful café, reading a book about Buddhism, whose most striking phrase was “If you still call yourself a Buddhist then you aren’t a true Buddha yet.” and met my student who I am going to teach French.

   Then I ended up in a café called “Hope Café” where I watched a documentary about the atrocities committed against Tibetans in China, with a bunch of amazing travelers. A British traveler who spent a few days in a jail in Iran, an Irish woman teaching English in Thailand, an Australian who really was touched by the Tibetan issue and so many others made my day even more eventful as we enjoyed chocolate momos.

A Valley In Dharamsaala.

     I can really go on about how amazing my day was, or how amazing Dharamsaala is or even how amazing chocolate momos are, but that would just be a little teenage girl writing in her personal diary. Whereas I have had an epiphany today, that didn't come as a surprise to me. The experiences that I have had, the memories that I have made and certainly the friends that I have earned, in just the past 24 hours travelling in a exotic unknown destination, have given me so much more than the past twenty years of my ‘settled’ life at ‘home’!

     Just one day, and I am all revved up to experience the world. Why not? It is our only home after all, with just so much to offer to us isn't it? A little pause to big travels dreams, as I have to receive my mom’s phone call from ‘home’, as she calls me all worried about me being alone and not being in the comforts of her cooking. 

Don't forget To Also Read :

• The Choice Between Me And What You Want Me To Be
• Dream To Be Free

The Indian Bureaucracy almost made me leave my country!

     Today was a hard day for me. Hard as an average common-man Indian! It led me to the extreme of asking my best friend as to how I could acquire a citizenship to Australia(No favouritism here! But any developed nation would do). I am no drama queen, but sometimes an insignificant incident(insignificant to others eyes) can trigger the deepest emotions in me.
     I needed a simple study certificate from my college just to state that I am a student of the college, so that I can use it to apply for a passport. Having spent three precious years of my youth studying in that college, I reckoned this would be no hard task, but boy was I wrong!
    First of all there is no specific person who really handles issues of students, because students are expected not to have issues. You see we are "educated" to become sheeple( Sheep + people), so doing anything other than what is strictly instructed to us in the name of disciple, is not an option. Regardless, I managed to find the office staff that would know something about the certificate, literally doing nothing at his desk. Nothing!
     When he realised I approached him with a potentially hazardous errand, requiring him to get up from his chair(oh how on earth could I ask him to do his job? How wrong of me!) he had a couple of excuses that was evidently pre-rehearsed. So now I know I am not the only one having to climb mountains to get a simple certificate.
    In spite of the fact that all my proof of address, date of birth and even proof of my existence had already been submitted to them, when I was admitted as a student to the very same college, he asked me to submit a whole bunch of other proofs! That too in a tone that was meant to remind me that I was subservient to his bureaucratic position. The tone mattes a lot, it is a window to the attitude that they carry towards us students.
     No matter what he asked of me, at that moment when I was filled with utter frustration at his incompetence and his evident bullying attitude, I realised how helpless I was. With no insane amounts of money in my pocket or an influential politician in my family tree, I could not get anything done in this system if I were to follow the correct norms and procedures. I either had to bribe him, bully him or end up getting bullied and waste days of my precious youth running around him to get things done!
     The bureaucracy of India works as if it does a favour to those who approach their desks for things to get done. Some of us maybe at such positions too, some of us might get into those positions some day soon, but when we get to that position, why do we all forget our duty? Why do we forget to do the job that is asked of us? Why do we forget that no matter how small the work that is asked of us might be, it is still a part of the system that we are a part of? No matter how insignificant it may seem, the longer we take to get it done, the more clogs and obstacles you add to the system. At the end of the day, making us responsible for the slow, irresponsible and frustrating system that manages to hold this country back from becoming great!
     Do not underestimate yourself to the extent that you begin to think nothing that you do has an impact in the world. Everything we do has an impact somewhere, somehow and on someone. Every action of yours or even every inaction will have ramifications that you are responsible for. Begin to think of yourself as a part of a system that is working to a better tomorrow. Then maybe our bureaucracy, our governmet, our education and finally our country might move forward towards a better India. Or else, a citizenship to Australia is always an option!

Don't Forget To Read : 

• Why I Make A Horrible Indian Wife

• The Little Things That Make Heaven

He Said He Has Three Girlfriends!

     It was just another day at my friend's place, the usual jibber-jabber, the annoyingly loud television and the random college friends walking in conveniently adding in their confusion into the jibber-jabber, that made no sense in the first place. Amidst this chaos, that one can surprisingly get used to, my friend introduced me to a new member, who I hadn't had the opportunity to meet before(I say opportunity since he is the protagonist of this blog post)
    "He is most famous guy in college and he has three girlfriends, all crazy about him." This was the first statement that heralded his initiation into the group. He blushed and his pride in this "achievement" of his was evident.
     To my surprise my friend looked at me with a glance that hinted that I remark on the new member's ability to collect women as one would collect candies or toy cars! All that came out my mouth was a "Sorry!"
     As expected, looks of confusion were directed at me. I realised I was supposed to be impressed somehow and probably should have offered to be the fourth girlfriend. I had to cover up and say "I'm sorry for you! It's a struggle to even survive one relationship, and you manage three", when I originally wanted to say "I'm sorry for you! Your lack of a decent education and mental maturity is so evident." But then again it was our first rendez-vous, and I didn't want to scare the guy away with my strong opinions and principles(Call me crazy!)
    I should have been more offended at the fact that such a young and a potential future advocate of this nation(this jibber-jabbering lot were all students of Law) , didn't comprehend how preposterous his "achievement" of not only deceiving three women was, but also how badly it reflected on his ability to treat women as an equal gender that deserved respect and courtesy. But then again who am I to say anything!
    I was more disappointed with my friend who welcomed in this member to whom women were just collectible items, with open arms (literally!). The day continued on as if nothing was wrong and nothing needed any attention.
    As a society and as citizens we have the right to draw a line as to what is acceptable and what is not. We hold loud discussions in cafeterias about the condition of women in this nation, we throw mud on the government for not protecting women enough and eventually we point fingers at the women itself for provoking the crime done against them, but none of us ever stand up in our everyday lives against people like him.
   His choice of treatment of women and his wrongly-placed pride in it should have found a stop amongst his peers, who have the ability to realise how damaging an attitude such as that can be not only to the three women, but the society at large. Yet we fear and we hesitate to say NO! STOP! Women are equal! Women deserve better!
     *Everyone has the equal right to be with the partner they choose and exercise their sexual freedom, but only as long as the rights of the other people involved are also being respected!

    Things do not change; we change

~HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Don't Forget to Read :

• The choice between ME and who YOU want me to be
• How can I be proud of being an Indian Woman?

Where Are All The Mothers And The Wives?

It is that time of the year, where tensions are high as the exams are around the corner. Though half of the country is boiling with anger over the countless rapes of women and little girls in the nation, our universities continue to follow their routine of examinations. I belong to one such university and the whole last week was spent in filling up forms and paying fees for the same cause.

            Though the medieval practice of filling up paper forms and standing in queues for hours together, when we belong to the age of internet, really frustrated me, what caused me more anger was the fact that every form asked for my father’s name or in some cases my husband’s name. Somehow, the women of my life where considered either non-existent or maybe not fit enough to be identified with.

Have women no identity?

            In a time when people are protesting against heinous crimes such as rape, my little complaint of not including a woman at an equal position in the administration, might seem menial. Then again, it is the little changes that lead to the biggest impact.

            Even when the trend of anti-corruption swallowed our nation, and everybody was filled with a zeal to fight corruption, the flame faded of soon. When in reality the real fighters of this cause are small actions taken by people every day. Little things such as teaching your kids to value the right things in life and not run after wealth alone, or choosing to pay the fine for not wearing the helmet instead of bribing the traffic policeman.  

            Even with the cause of the equal treatment of women, the little things in our daily lives, can bring the biggest impact. If we start genuinely considering women as equal, and include their names in places where only men stood before, then wouldn’t equality of women come naturally in the country? Waiting for big changes at the level of parliament and supreme courts would mean nothing, if in our everyday lives, we still fail to see women as equal, and fail to see women as that half of the society that can not only have its own identity, but also give identity to their children and spouses.

Don't Forget To Also Read :

• The Battle For Gender Equality
• The Animal Side Of Man

Battle for Gender Equality

“This is the first time in the history that we are talking about equality of gender”. As I heard these words from my friend’s mouth, I realized the magnanimity of his statement. We, as a generation, are part of a progressive change in the very foundation of society. Slow, yet existent.

            Man and Woman, or as feminists would suggest, Woman and Man, have now the opportunity to talk about being considered equal and treated as individuals, regardless of the gender they belong to. This does not mean they are both expected to bear offsprings, or both expected to run as fast, but it means both the genders have the equal rights to choose the lives that they wish to have.

            As history stands to teach us, Change has never come easy. Scholars who said the earth was round, when everybody was more than convinced it was flat; freedom-fighters who said the foreign invaders had no place ravaging their homelands and fought for freedom; or educated citizens who said no king or queen could govern a country as effectively as a democratic republic, can all stand testimony to how tough and testing change can be!

            In this generation, the change we talk of is the way we look at the genders that exist in our societies (or rather, in our minds). We are the people who will be remembered in the future centuries to come, as the people who broke down barriers that has pulled people down with true potential for greatness, and freed them from the binds that force them to conform to the norms of the gender-biased societies.

            Do we want to be a part of this change? Do we want to be remembered for the greatness that we as a community have achieved? Do we want to allow people to achieve greatness and contribute to the entire humanity moving forward? Why not!

            The world was always faced with new innovations, theories and techniques, that rattled its very foundation. The discovery of fire, the invention of the computer, the proposal of the Big Bang Theory, the concept of Free Education, and countless such examples taken from the very history of the species that we belong to. None of these changes were accepted painlessly, yet they eventually were. The path to gender equality also faces a similar destiny.

            The little battles fought today, will certainly bring about the change that people have begun to realize, is necessary in this world. Why not be a part of this battle and fight the odds, afterall change is the only thing that is constant.

Also Read : 

• Only Because She Was A Woman
• Happiness Or Peace

The Choice Between ME And Who YOU Want Me To Be

     He looked into my eyes with great concern and said, "Why do you think you are different? Just be Normal like everybody else and gel in." 

     For a second it seemed like a decent advice that in my 20 years of ups and downs, never occurred to me apparently. I have to be honest and confess, I've always felt a lack of belonging and felt like I need to be somewhere else but the place that I was in. I've always felt when I was talking, I was heard but never truly understood. Maybe I was talking a different language or talking of a different world. Maybe I was just insane, suffered a genetic mutation or was just different. "Just be like everybody else". 

Should I be ME or just like the rest be?

     Maybe I should start dressing exactly like my friends and stop bothering about gender equality. Maybe I should straighten my hair and stop talking about improving the education system of my country.  Maybe I should just get a masters degree(In the very education system I opine as incapable!) instead of wanting to travel the world to see its true beauty. Yes! Maybe I should give up all my dreams, all my passions, all my heart's desires just so that all the people around me will look at me and say, "she is normal, she is just like the rest of us."

      We live in a society where people of beauty, wealth and power are worshiped (Need I state the countless examples of who our society wrongfully appreciates?). We have a set of behaivoural guidelines and habits that we deem as NORMAL. The things we wear, the way we speak, the places that we visit , the people that we date or even the dreams we Dare to Dream. They all have to be a certain way that the majority doesn't frown upon. 

     But what if I want to break away from that NORMAL. What if I want to set out on a path that has not been tread on by the generations before me. I am scared and am certainly unsure of what lies ahead. But  do I let these fears stop me? I am alone in trying to be that someone that the society says is DIFFERENT. Do I step back and live a life that I dread, just because people on the street don't recognize me for who I am?

     Why is it that we have a fear something new. We let that fear stop us from freeing our souls to the unknown. If I dare to say I want to take two years off from my education, to travel this beautiful world and learn about the planet I belong to, all I hear are gasps of utter fright and certain cases of disappointment (Sorry my main aim in life is not the own a yellow Ferrari and a bungalow on the palm islands in Dubai!)

     Our obsession with complying with this standard of NORMAL, makes us so prejudiced and biased. If a man chooses to love a man instead of a woman like the rest of us, why do we say he is committing a sin? If a woman is healthier than most of us by about 80 Kilos, then why do the words 'fat' and 'ugly' automatically enter into our minds? If a man wears torn clothes and earns less than most of us, why do we assume he is worthless and achieved nothing mentionable at all? 

     We judge them so instantly and recklessly, that it is truly unfortunate. We spend our whole lives learning that true beauty of a person lies on the inside, yet all we care about is the outside. All the wonderful people we stop ourselves from knowing, just because we don't agree with what and who they are! All the wonderful things we stop ourselves from becoming, just because others might not agree with what and who we are!

     My very concerned friend, was obviously concerned that I felt alone and isolated. But do I change myself just so that I am accepted? Do I lose everything that truly makes me ME, just so that I am identified with pretty words? 

     Just when I had decided I am going to be all alone in my fight to re-define NORMAL, I had an epiphany (I had to use this word, because I just love the way it sounds!). I am not alone at all! Just a few days later another good friend of mine said "whatever you are is your state of NORMAL, not what others say it needs to be". No need to lose myself in the crowd then? A week later I met a room full of people with more zeal than me to give up on NORMAL dreams of wealth and power, in order to work for the community. No need to give up on my dreams then? 

     

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

~ Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Don't Forget to Also Read :   

• Dream To Be Free
• The Little Things That Make Heaven

   

Gender Discrimination with an Education - Why I make a horrible Indian Wife

     Brilliant music, Brilliant drive and a Brilliant friend to have an engaging chat with. Just a few minutes before this drive home with my friend, he had happened to introduce me to this crush. A very sweet and homely girl, who would obviously make a wonderful Indian wife. We were discussing about his future with this very sweet and homely girl, if they were to start a relationship together.What could possibly be flawed in this setting of two friends having a normal chat?

     A friend of mine always tells me I think in "two layers". I see what most people don't see(maybe choose not to see) or rather I read between the lines. I assume this is not so acceptable by most, but it is this "two layered" thinking that helps me write my blog.
     I could already see her making his family happy with her cooking, and her treatment of the in-laws. She would make a good Indian Wife and a good Indian Bride (The idea of the role of wife that my country holds may not be in agreement with what idea I hold). I could see why my friend likes her, and he seconded that idea too. A perfect match about to happen... Wait! My "two layered" thinking has yet to come to play here.
     In spite of her perfect representation of the bharatiya naari (Indian Woman), that our 'tradition', 'culture' and our 'history' teaches us day-in and day-out, we both noticed and agreed that they had nothing in common at all. Two months of talking and they would run out of engaging conversations for the rest of their happily married life(My friend might be looking for a gun to shoot me right now for writing this blog post. But I'm a risk taker ;P )
     So I inconspicuously asked, "Se might make your family happy, but it is still you who has to spend the rest of your life with her. So shouldn't you marry a girl you would really want to spend that life with?"
     I got an explanation as to why that would be close to impossible from my friend, that I wasn't really surprised at hearing. He went on to say if he were to ever introduce a girl like me, with whom he more in common to his mother and say he wants to marry me, his family would be devastated and in ruins, and his mother would eventually make him choose between me and her (There is a slight level of exaggeration, but you should get the idea that I would not be accepted as an Indian Bride in his Indian Family).
     That was obvious. Let me take the effort of explaining to you why marrying me is such a taboo.

• I do not know how to cook, and I will not put in the extra effort to learn cooking just because all my aunties and mother's friends tell me I need it to please my husband and in-laws with my cooking. They are grown people, they should either feed themselves or hire a cook. I am not going to be their servant.
• I will not give up my education or my career or my dreams according to the family that I marry into, because they believe a woman has to take care of the family while the man and the elders make the big decisions in the house. I have always been and will always be an independent woman who makes her own decisions. 
• I am spiritual, which means I am not religious. So a typical Indian wedding with rituals whose meanings literally nobody knows, is not something I will be a part of.
• I will not change my second name to my husband's second name, or any such changes that will show that I am only a wife and nothing else.
• I will not... I repeat I will not jump into a fire like Sita did to prove how good a wife she was to Lord Rama(A reference to the Indian holy book called the bhagavadgita). If my husband can't trust me, he has some issues!

     Now that I started listing out the reasons, I realise there are so many more that make me a horrible Indian Bride! But, I think I will run the risk of never finding an Indian Husband, if it means I get to be independent, make my own decisions, live my dreams and most of all BE TREATED EQUALLY in spite of my gender.  

     Our gender bias and our concept of roles of the genders is so deeply rooted in our culture and society, that this kind of gender discrimination goes entirely unnoticed. Most people do not even see how wrong and discriminative this practice of defining a perfect Indian Bride is! Good cook, Good looking, Fair, Doesn't have male-friends, Chaste, Good at taking orders, Doesn't drink or smoke, possibly gives a good massage, etc etc etc etc etc... I feel like we Indian women are up for sale. If you do not fit that description, or fight against the existence on such descriptions then you are flawed, you are unmarry-able.

     Education hasn't helped this scenario either. The only difference it has made is that now the Indian Wife is expected to cook, clean, please her husband and her in-laws, and in addition also earn a part of the income. How has the society really changed if independent women will find it so hard to be accepted into an Indian Family as a Bride?

     Being a sweet and homely wife is not something I am undermining. I know how hard and wonderful a job it is to be a wife and a mother. But shouldn't this choice be entirely upto the woman herself, and not anybody else. If a woman like me chooses a different life that our 'tradition' and 'culture' doesn't preach, then do I make a horrible wife?

     If an Indian Family rejects me as a Good Indian Bride only because I wish to be treated equally and with respect, and want to exercise my rights and freedom, then I am happy! In fact I am proud of standing up for this half of humanity. I in turn reject them, reject them all from our society! 

     My friendship with my friend is something I will always cherish. Our shared interests and our brilliant chats. I respect him with all my heart and believe truly in his talent and worth. Hence I wish none of my opinions are taken as personal. But I am an Indian woman fighting for a society that treats women equally and gives us a status and respect we deserve. Long way to go, but the fight has to start somewhere right?

Also Read :

• A Friend No More!
• The Animal Side Of Man