36 Questions to love... Love?

     Love has been on my mind a lot lately and who better to answer my questions than the internet? It was then that I came across a wonderfully intriguing TED talk by Mandy Len Catron titled "Falling in love is the easy part". Love and Easy in the same sentence? Now this I had to check out!

     Turns out that the speaker Mandy, just like me, wanted to experiment with the ever mysterious phenomenon of falling in love, and realised that the only way to 'figure it out' was to fall in love! So here we were, two single but adventurous women, ready to fall in love. Oh but only if we knew how! Apparently she had figured out a way(borrowed from a psychology experiment) and I too set out to find the ideal guy to try it out with... and I did find him.

    There are a set of 36 questions that you ask each other (where the partner and you are fairly strangers to each other) and most importantly, openly share and actively listen to each other. The original scientist shared that a couple from the original sample group ended up marrying each other, apart from several successful relationships that commenced and Mandy herself had found a long term relationship that she was still in. Now I was getting really excited!

     Fortunately for me, I found the most understanding and mature guy, who was also adventurous and a good listener. Just the guinea pig I needed(Don't worry he knows I'm writing about him). The questions began with the cliche "Who would you invite as a dinner guest, if you could invite anybody?". I obviously has The Buddha over for Biryani and he had his late grandpa over for Butter chicken. The questions deepened gradually towards our most treasured memories and death of loved ones. You get the flow...

     As we answered and listened to each other, it was almost as if all our hesitations and our fears were put aside and we truly wanted to share each other's stories. It was then that I realised I couldn't remember the last time I had done something like this, the last time I had truly shared my life with someone and more importantly listened to someone. This wasn't love, but what we were feeling was the most essential element of human existence that makes life beautiful; Connection.

     We were connecting primarily as human beings sans all the external identities that our societies have given us, in an open and free environment that these 36 questions to love, helped create. How fascinating! I could notice that we were smiling more at each other and were much more at ease in each other's company. Was Cupid flying somewhere close by?

     But a question more interesting that this raises, is whether love can be created? What happens to all our fairytales and fables of that one true love and love at first sight? I think we humans were never made to love just one person. Our hearts are genuinely capable of a love larger than our stories make us believe. We shall only know if we let our hearts love...

     Another interesting aspect of the 36 questions we noticed was a cleverly repeated question where we had to share positive points about our partner and tell them what we liked about them. Though the degrees or intensities varied, the premise was the same - see the good in the person in front of you and appreciate them. You know what I'm going to say next; oh how often do we do this with people around us? (Good! you're catching on)

     We took a few days to finish all the 36 questions, but as promised the 37th question was not "Will you marry me?" for us, so no wedding bells or circles around the fire as of yet. And love? That is a question that we decided to stay on longer with each other to answer(yeay!). So keep checking my blog for updates on whether love happens or no. But this exercise certainly opened a door to a deeper and more meaningful relationship(or a friendship) for us. If you decide to try these 36 questions to love, please do let me know how they turn out, for now I have a romantic movie date with my guinea pig!


Do also check out my other posts and tell me what you think :

• A Friend No More!
• The Big Elephant In My Room - My Parents' Seperation

Our Lovers Left Us

   

     I know it hurts a lot. I know you loved her and she said she would love you forever and till eternity. But its all up in flames today and the only thing that is burning are your insides. You want to leave your bare body and run away into a place of numbness and try to make all that pain go away. But every day as you watch the sun set into its warm abode leaving you alone with the cold wind, you know it will take you a long time to heal or perhaps never...

     But listen to me, look at me! Many men of heart and soul have come into my life promising to hold me while I cried, yet the moment they saw my laughter fade, they faded away too. Just yesterday, the man who said I made him happy, left me forever here looking for answers to what went wrong? Did I not love him enough? Did I not hold him tight enough? Yet I stand strong, with a broken heart, hoping... No! Knowing for certain that it will heal and join into a whole again. I know this because my strong heart still carries the beautiful scars from my past.

     Do you want to know a secret oh my broken hearted mess? The only way a heart broken by love can heal, is by teaching it to love beyond its cracks and frays. Have you seen a child learning to ride the bike? She falls again and again and again, until one day she finally learns to ride the bike and journey to all the places her heart had ever wanted. She never stops getting on the bike and trying again. You and I shall also fall again and again and again, until our wings finally learn to fly and we fall into the arms of love all over again. This time for real!

     Not that our old lovers weren't real. They were! We laughed with them, we cried with them, we had fun with them and most of all we grew because of them. We wrote beautiful stories with them didn't we? So no regrets!

     Don't let the ugliness and vile bitterness of a broken promise take over your soul. I know you feel angry, you feel disappointment, depression and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I've heard a million defeated lovers tell me love is not worth it, love is only pain and love only murders! Listen to me, it isn't love that hurts, but we ourselves. Every day, every memory, every stab we relive again and again until love seems like the biggest evil that has ever existed. NO! Don't let it poison you. Our lovers lefts us, they were meant to. Don't deny yourself the beauty of healing and growing into a more mature lover, just because our lovers gave up on us. Let us not give up on ourselves! Let us still be open and look for that love that our souls and our bodies deserve! Let us continue to hold on my forlorn friend... Let us continue to hold love.

     I may have filled your heart with hope, that is what I intended to do. But I should also warn you that this hope will also slowly fade as your memories return. It is inevitable! Our minds are addicted to the roller coaster ride of emotions, but remember it is just a ride. You will get off it soon, so keep returning to love until one day you build your home with our love.


Don't forget to also read and share your views on

• Big Cute Puppy Eyes
• Destination Dharamsaala!

Back from the Hiatus

Attended the Dak Thok Tsechu Festival in Ladakh

     A little more than a week into the new year and I figured it would be the best time to come back from my almost six month hiatus from writing. The obsession with 'new year new beginnings' managed to catch me too I suppose.
     Writing has always been a passion of mine and who stays away from a passion for this long you ask? Well procrastination and laziness could be it, but fortunately this time I have a better excuse!
     My last trip to Bhutan and Kachch with my ex-boyfriend I noticed how much time we both spent on clicking pictures! The right angle, the right lighting, the right pose and the right everything for that one perfect picture. So much time spent manipulating things around me instead of looking at the beauty that the Paro Taktsang or the great white sand desert was! The meditative moments disrupted by aims to capture these meditative moments! Incroyable!

     There were times in history when people could memorise and recite epics, that lasted over weeks of recitation, all from memory, and here I am not able to remember the lyrics to one Adele song right. I remember reading an article (if its written down by someone it has to be true) that when man started writing down things, her memory capacity began to diminish. Which meant the more she encapsulated her memories and experiences in words, the more it escaped from her mind! This got me thinking...

Not a Foodie, but trying out the famous Lucknow Biryani

     What ever I did in the last six months, I told myself I wouldn't write about it extensively(other than a few simple notes and pictures). So what all did I do in the last six months? I broke up with a great guy, quit my 'job', stayed on my couch watching TV for a month until one day I stood up, packed my bags and began moving. I volunteered in Nepal, had amazing Biryani in Lucknow, fell in love with a commitment-phobic guy in Ladakh, saw for the first time how alcohol turns me into a dancer, almost saw Pakistan from Turtuk(well it was almost 13 kms away), ran away from family in Sikkim, tinder dated pretty decent guys in Hyderabad, fell in love a few more times, read so many amazing books, made meditation a part of my life, camped next to a dam in a random monastic village... Well I lived my life!

The family I stayed with in A village in Nepal

     The entire time, though I was tempted to write down a few inspired lines, I resisted. I wanted to live each moment for what it was ; the Present! I didn't want to think of it as a memory I would look back on or a tale I would narrate on a date. I just wanted to be... And well what do you know, I fell in love. I fell in love with the moment, I fell in love with love, I fell in love with the world and most of all I fell in love with myself (I also fell in love with the ladakhi guy, but he just couldn't commit). Without distractions of having to make that moment perfect, my mind and soul began to really experience the emotions and movements for what they were. I could feel them transforming me, I could feel them setting me free.
     I realise that the word "free" is such a big word to use, but I'm using it. I began defining the word freedom and love in a way I hadn't before, because the burden of someday looking back was lifted and I could truly live.
     Ofcourse it meant I don't have too many pictures to boast with or candid blog posts to share, but you know what I'll live.



Now that you have time, do also read :

• The big elephant in the room - My Parent's Seperation
• My Mom Is Beautiful...

When the earth shook and tore our souls apart (In Nepal, two months after the earthquakes)

  I landed in Nepal today, exactly two months after the earth shattering earthquakes destroyed so much here. Apparently, there have been two minor earthquakes since I've landed, and they've become such a normal part of life here, that even I didn't notice them. But, tomorrow seems to be on alert for a big quake, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do when the earth below me shakes!
     As to why I'm here at just this time in Nepal's history, well I'm trying to be superwoman. You know when there is someone in distress or in trouble, there is this highly empathetic, big-hearted, kind souled person, who sacrifices to help those in need? Well technically I'm supposed to be playing that role.
     Let me tell you the truth. One small little me, with two small little hands that have NEVER seen hard labour, can't do anything!
     We all walk around thinking we have control over things! As I heard my friend's first hand experience of how the entire building shook off its hinges, as she watched her little brother and sisters screaming for her, only thinking "we are going to die today!" as she lied to the little ones "don't panic, it'll be fine!", that feeling of control slipped like sand between my fingers as tears rolled down my face. Few hours later she heard her home back in the village was a pile of rubble, just a few minutes before all communications died. She said when she realised what life around her had turned into, she told herself "this is life". I'm not sure if there was sadness in her voice or a sense of acceptance.
     I ask myself now, what can I really do here? How can I help? I know what the action plan for the next few weeks will be for me, but I know I can not help them, I can not help anyone here or anywhere. This is life! Disaster, dread and death are all a part of it, and I have a feeling my journey now on will be that of accepting this simple truth. I can't help it, because it's not meant to be helped.
     Humanity will continue to suffer in natural disasters, cancer, mental illness and everything that is life, and all that we have is each other, all that we have is humanity. That is why I'm here, not to help, not to build, not to be superwoman, but to be a part of humanity.

NOTE : This post is an expression of what I felt and thought about during my visit to Nepal, and hope no body is offended by my piece of writing! The people here have faced a lot in the past couple of months and this is in no way a comment on that.

Big Cute Puppy Eyes

     Remember that dog that just got hit, by a car that didn't even stop to see if its alive? Remember that little puppy with a broken bleeding leg crying in pain? Remember that cow withering in pain near the garbage bin? Remember that litter of kittens whose mother just got run over by a truck?

     Today I found a puppy with the cutest eyes on the road. But, it was only after falling for his buggy eyes did I notice the disease affected skin and his badly fractured leg. I knew I had to help him!

Though he was wounded, he was happy to meet someone new!

     I came running back to get a cloth that I could cover him with to pick him up, and told my mom about the little soul waiting for help. She said "don't worry! Dogs get affected on the road all the time. He'll get well without your help" .

     You guys know me well, I gave her a mean dirty stare and went ahead calling the People For Animals, Mysore to come take the puppy for treatment. But as I walked towards the puppy, I realised what my mom said wasn't as shocking as I had made it seem!

     Thousands of people had passed by the puppy in obvious pain, with the exact same thought that was running through my mom's mind. Street dogs heal on their own, we don't need to help them. Well, I'm sorry to say but you couldn't be more wrong!

     All animals, especially the ones on the streets need our help when they are injured. I'm going to say this at the risk of sounding cheesy, but they don't have a voice! They just sit there in pain waiting for help, which unfortunately doesn't ever come most of the times.

      The good news is, most cities have animal shelters with ambulance services and treatment for street animals. I have personally visited the ones in Mysore, Udaipur, Gangtok and Hyderabad. They are all amazing centres with amazing people to take care of these animals.

     Check it out RIGHT NOW, and save their phone numbers, it takes not more than five minutes. That number could help save a dog or cat in pain, the next time you notice one in a corner with a broken limb or a bleeding tail. DON'T pass them by thinking they'll be okay, they won't! Unless you help them.


Don't forget also read :

• Burying Our Daughters
• Destination Dharamshaala!

Burying our daughters

     We always tell our girls "it's unsafe outside, don't go", instead imagine a world where we told them "it's unsafe outside, go make it better!".
     The fact that I am a girl and hence vulnerable and unsafe, doesn't ever escape my mind(I'm sure a lot of women will share the same feeling), because the world around me keeps reminding me that I shall be eaten alive the very next moment. Will we ever teach ourselves to be fearless, and fight for ourselves?
     I've had to see my mother go through the struggle of letting me go, and I always thought what's her problem? I need to go out someday! But having worked with beautiful children the past two years, I can see where the protective instincts come from.
     When she finally let go two years ago, I forgot to tell her how proud I was of her! But, little did I know the world hadn't stopped trying to hide me, to bury me! People all around me, even today, 'advise me' not to travel alone, not to go out after 9 or not to hang out with young boys too much!
     But is burying our women in safety, or rather disguised safety, really the answer? What is the difference between restricting a woman from living her life fully and ending the life of a female foetus? We don't want to be responsible for either one's repercussions. 
     Nineteen years of my life my protective mom taught me that I couldn't fight for myself because the world outside was mean and evil, I wouldn't be safe. But despite the love, when I flew out of my nest the world took up the task of telling me to hide behind safety.      Ironically, as I hear these voices who only see the vulnerability of my gender, the past month has been so inspiring and uplifting because of all the strong kick-arse women I've met! I've heard the CEO of India's biggest fellowship pour her heart out, I've heard the founder of an amazing school tell me gender biases are just an excuse, I've met a founder of a weavers society who worked with them for fourteen years to empower and build an enterprise from nothing to a 5 crore turn over, and oh so many women with the power in their voices that are still flashing before my eyes.
     Maybe I should just listen to these women, and tune out the rest, atleast that's what my mom says.

Sine you've read till the end, do read these too :

• The Big Elephant in My Room - My parents' seperation
• Dream To Be Free

The Tea Boiling Over

     The year 2013 was a very tough one, especially the month of December. I lived in a typical Indian rural village, caught between the traditions of the old times and the advancements of modern societies. I had to live with a family from the village, as any other family member, experiencing their lives without the luxuries that I came from.

       Amidst all of this, was the little daughter and her friend living every day as it came. Waiting for the tea they made everyday for all household members, and watching them in their childish freedom, wrote a poem. 

      Despite the shift in the society towards womens' rights and equality, the reality in our daily lives remains unchanged. Perhaps this pain is what brought on this expression. 

The girls making serving tea in the school.

Every inch of the old dusty mud house

Touched by their loud innocent giggles

The air slowly invaded

By the aroma of the tea they make.

Their mother bathing half naked

By the open tap overlooking the hills,

Warns them of the tea boiling over,

As they continue amusing each other like kids.

How are they to know

Every minute spent here with mother

Is just another step

Towards their new destined homes?

Homes decided while they sat dreaming

Of their futures untold to them yet.

Their very mother by their side

Shall send them off with packed suitcases

Before their childhood giggles mature into a woman’s laughter.

Their innocence blind

To how their families will soon,

Very soon,

Sell them off in marriage

Only to fill their old dusty mud house

With sobs of another’s little daughter.


Don't forget to also read :

• The Big Elephant In The Room - My Parents' Seperation
• The Super(wo)man Inside All Of Us