HOW TO BE HAPPY IN ‘N’ OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP

If you have started reading this thinking that I will present to you a set of instructions on how to be in a happy and successful  relationship, or steps on how to keep you partner happy, then, I must warn you that I am the last person to be preaching such things! Since my mother will be reading this, I have never had a relationship. But hypothetically speaking, even if I have had them, then I have never given them enough priority to study them that intently.

            Hence, the instructions for manipulating a relationship is for commercial magazines and tabloids to take care of. My words are more concerned with aspects deeper or rather more significant in an individual’s life. Matters concerning that little thing called happiness.

            So why the word relationship in the title you ask. Sadly, I have come to observe that, with the rise in the population of this planet, there is an equal rise in the feeling of loneliness amongst us beings. The more faces we see around us, the more alone we feel. Ironic! All of us are after something or the other, aren’t we? Money, smartphones, love, lust, God, new Jimmy Choo shoes, what not.(If you aren’t one of these then I must say I’m very pleased) We are looking to relate to something… anything to gain a certain sense of satisfaction in our souls, simply called peace!

            But are we satisfied? Are we happy? Are we at peace? If we were, then I wouldn’t be writing this article and you wouldn’t be reading it.

            A new boyfriend or a girlfriend is certainly not going to change that cycle of pain-joy-pain that is eternal. YES! Sorry to break that bubble, but a new anything won’t make you happy, Unless….

            Unless you learn to be happy from the inside. Today a lover’s hug might give you the warmth and delight you crave for, but no celestial being can assure you that it will remain with you always. When your happiness is dependent on something or someone, it is next to impossible to say that it will remain with you forever. Simple logic isn’t it?

            Peace is when you are happy when you are stripped of everything that you have today. Your family, your friends, you lover, your new phone, your big car, your credit cards, your everything! The day you can say with confidence that “I am happy no matter what or who leaves me”, then that is the day that you are truly HAPPY! Now, you know the secret.

            Be happy with nothing, then even losing everything can’t take away your happiness!


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The Little Things That Make Heaven

     I look for a happy relationship with a happy man to make my life happy. I look for a bag full of gold to get me new shoes and make my feet happy for the rest of my life. I look for a happy group of friends to drink with and make merry. Am I happy? 

     The man walked out of my life, the bag of gold is all gone and the group of friends started to fade away. Am I still happy?

      A wise man once said -   
                                'Heaven on Earth' is a choice you must make, 
                                                                                    not a place you must find.'

     Every day I am given 1440 minutes to live. Every day I am given 1440 opportunities to be happy. Instead I choose to frown, whine and shed tears down my face.
  
     A happy little boy happens to look at me by chance. The intensity of the sadness spreads to his innocent heart, and I see his smile lowly turn upside down. I did him wrong. Him and many many others who are around me.

     Then I hear a song -
                         "When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
                                Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes"

                                                                                                              (Its Jon Bon Jovi....:))

    Every day I meet many people, see many things, hear many things and feel many things. What If I smile at every person I meet, instead of frown. Sounds fairly simple. What If I look at the little things in life and let it amuse me, instead of letting my tears blur this beautiful world away from me. Sounds even more simple. What if.....

     Today I don't have the man, I don't have the bag of gold, I don't have the merry friends. But, I am happy. 

     Buddha always said that nothing in life is permanent. The sorrow, the pain and the worries that seem herculean today, will be a page in a fading past tomorrow. Choose to smile at everything that life throws at you. Before you know it, all the things that brought you down are gone, and you are a survivor.








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Happiness or Peace???

            Money, Love, Power, Fame, Respect! In our efforts to earn something that we think our heart desires, we are all looking for our own versions of happiness. A 26-year old graduate working 14 hours a day trying to reach a 6 figure salary, thinks he can be happy if he has money enough to buy him anything he lays his eyes on.

            A 16-year old girl in love with a boy for the past 10 years, thinks if he falls in love with her then she can be happy.

            The 65-year old politician fighting for the Chief Minister’s position, thinks he can be happy once he attains the power to rule lakhs of people.

            The 29-year old struggling actor running between producers and directors day and night, thinks she can be happy once she earns that fame that she has always longed for.

            The 45-year old father thinks he can be happy when his son graduates as an engineer from the most prestigious institute, earning respect from the entire society. What is common among these souls?... They are all craving for Happiness; or rather We are all craving for the day we can truly be Happy and remain in that feeling eternally.

            One lesson that life teaches us since the day we are born, is that change is ever constant. Today you may be happy you bought a new super bike, but tomorrow you may be in the hospital getting your accident wounds bandaged. We learn that the state of being happy isn’t eternal as we all hope for it to be.

            Then why do we still run after it? It’s either our ignorance of the obvious truth or our laziness to learn otherwise. We lead our lives like a broken record, endlessly embarking on the journey to find boundless happiness, only to find that life is a roller coaster ride, where worries, sorrow, disappointment and heart-break are a part of the package.

            If happiness isn’t what we should look for then what do we look for? What should we wake up every day and work hard for? If happiness isn’t our goal then what is?...... PEACE.

            In our heads the idea of happiness and peace are nearly the same. We believe that when we attain happiness, we attain peace. But is it? A simple illustration can teach us the difference between Happiness and Peace. Imagine you are in love with someone and haven’t expressed your heart’s emotions to them. One day you wake up and decide you want to finally reveal your feelings to them.

            

            If your wish is to be happy, you will pray a million prayers that your love will express their love for you too. In your head your ‘Happily Ever After” will finally come true. But there is another side to this truth. If the other person doesn’t love you back, you are left alone to drown in your tears of sadness. The f expectation of being happy, leads to disappointment.

            When you express your feelings for the person, if attainment of peace is your goal, then the outcome of this endeavour is insignificant. Whether they love you back or not, you accept the truth and accept peace in your heart. If what you wished for didn’t come to you today, then there is always a tomorrow. That is the truth of life! With peace in your heart no sorrow in the world can bring a tear to your eye


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Electric Bike Anyone!?...

     It was about 2 years ago that I went up to my mom and said "I want an electric bike!"
She looked at me suspiciously and said "Are you suuuuuure?". If I weren't would I be asking her for it?(I had actually done my research!)
 
     For some reason she thought I was joking. Well actually for precisely three reasons she thought I was joking.
(1)It doesn't go above 40 kmph.
(2)It can't carry more than 120kgs weight.
(3)It needs to be charged everyday like a cellphone.
     After I finally bought it, I found another reason to add to her list
(4)It draws attention on the road! and actually gives people reason enough to make fun of it(never understood why though)

      My mom thought it was more sensible to buy a Honda Activa. It ran on petrol, had more power and could carry atleast three people comfortably. What else could you want? We had some very long discussions(With my mom and I, the discussions are more like arguments but we still prefer calling it discussions) but my stubborn attitude finally got me a new electric bike.

     In the beginning it was a little hard to explain to people about the consequences of fossil fuel on the environment and my reasons to do my part and so on.It was exhausting telling everyone than looked at me with a smirk and asked "electric bike?..... Really?" (Makes you wonder what our education system is worth huh?).

     But a year into my new purchase the petrol prices started to rise. It really didn't affect me. I mean I plug in my bike to the switch board. My bike has never been to a petrol pump! But everytime someone asked me ;"Electric bike?... Really?...", I loved saying "Wait and watch". I felt like Nostradamus who knew the petrol prices were going to increase forever, while I would still be charging my bike.

     And today the price is so high that some of my friends are actually considering buying an electric bike. Renewable sources is the new energy source!I felt like Columbus who was laughed at for saying the earth is round(Yes I do get a weird pleasure by comparing myself to great men from the history). He proved it right! My decision to buy an electric bike makes my mom love me more today.

     So, Elecrtric bike?... anyone?

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A Friend No More!

            Lost a friend recently. I can’t blame God for taking her away because she chose to leave us herself. The reason why she gave up I shall never understand, but all I can do is wish that she is in a better place today. Happy and smiling, just like how I remember her.

            She had been my classmate for a year and a half. Every single day I saw her, saw her breathing and alive. But not once did I ask her how she was doing. Not once did I ask her how life was treating her. Every single day I entered my class and treated her as just another classmate, every single day I lost an opportunity to get to know her better. And now that I know I shall never see her in my class again I regret my ignorance. I wish I had spent more time getting to know her.

            Losing you forever, I have learnt a lesson. We all see, meet and greet so many people every day, but in reality the ones we care about is a very small number! And this small number is shrinking every day. If I had taken even a few minutes out of my day to talk to her, she might have seen a good friend in me, confided in me and not have felt so lonely to think she needed to leave earlier than she was meant to!

            She was one of those people you would not notice that easily, but once you get to know her you would know she is amongst those rare people made of something special. She had something about her that I miss so much today. The day I heard she left us all I just could not believe it! She was not one of those who would give up so easily, yet she did. It was a battle lost not by her, but a failure on all our part!!! We saw her everyday but failed to see the sorrow in her eyes.

            There is no point in regretting now, because I know nothing I say or do will bring her back. I shall never get the opportunity to say sorry for being such a bad friend. I’ve always heard people say It is only when you lose someone you know their value, how true! The empty void she have left can never be filled and shall haunt me for the rest of my life, knowing she was right in front of me, yet I could not see she needed me… How foolish I have been!

            Next time you see your classmate, collegue or neighbour, and see even a hint of sorrow and pain, all you need to do is talk. Just a hello, a friendly smile and a 'how are you?' might make their day, might stop them from taking a drastic decision like my friend. These are one of those times to pause and think. A simple action could mean the world to somebody, could save a life. You could save yourself from regretting not being able to help like the way I am today.

The 2012 Promise

     Another new year has come…Parties, Alcohol, Fireworks, Gourmet food, New year presents, Dancing friends all around, Screaming “HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRR”…Well, I had none! I welcomed 2012 sitting cozily on my bean bag, watching Star Movies and eating my humble little cake I had managed to make earlier, all by myself. While everybody (almost everybody) I knew was out celebrating the coming of 2012, I had all the time in the world to sit and think. And sit and think I did!

     The clock struck 12 but I hadn’t yet decided upon a New Year’s resolution. Oh My God!(Now that we are here, can I please say the usage of ‘omg’ is just so annoying! ). Here is the shortlisted resolutions I had in mind: 

     1. Control my anger…(Good one I know, but I’m a teenager! Don’t blame me, blame my hormones!) 

     2. Listen to others’ opinions too…(It’s not my fault my voice is loud. I’m sorry I can’t hear your voice over mine!)

     3. Learn to cook…(Hhheheehhehe…yeah right!) 

     4. Study better…(How does this one always manage to come into my resolutions list? somebody get this out of here) 

     5. Learn to spend less on useless things such as mufflers I can never wear in the Mysore heat or 3-inch stilettos I can never walk with on Mysore roads …(Damn! I hate myself for putting this one on the list. I’m a girl, I love shopping!)

     I must say I have been making resolutions for the past three years, and I am proud to say I have been successful with them all(I’m not kidding!). This year picking the right resolution is even more important for two reasons… 

     1) It is 2012!!!The end of the world!!! What if this is the last resolution that I will ever make? What if all the prophecies forecasting the End of the World might actually turn out to be true? You cannot ignore something just because it sounds crazy, right?…and 

     2)I’m turning 19!!!(Ah yes. Now you know my age. So what?)…It’s a milestone in a way. This is my last year of being a teen! No more excuses for all the crazy things I do. I need to wipe the frown off of my face and mature. Take responsibilities for my actions and learn the value of things(WOW! I’m already starting to sound like my mother!). 

     For these two significant reasons I needed a solid resolution and needed it fast! 

      New year’s day came and went away too. And I still didn’t have a resolution. And today, 12 days later, I am turning 19! My life’s real new year has begun and things surprisingly seem clearer. No! Neither did a light from heaven shine upon me nor did the ghost of Christmas show me my past, present and future. I guess I just opened my eyes…(I should maybe mention I began to read a very interesting book my a Buddhist monk called “What makes you not a Buddhist” . Even the first few pages of Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse taught me quite a lot.) 

     I have lived a life trying to make not only myself but also the people around me happy as much as I could, whenever I could. I have tried being as environmental-friendly and animal-loving as I could. Though I am proud of all that I have done and tried getting done, it still doesn’t feel enough!

     The time that I have tried spreading smiles, I know that I have been a reason for several tears in many lives too, intentionally or unintentionally! There have been times when I knew I could help someone out, yet I didn’t because of reasons pertaining to my well-being. And there have been times when I have been just plain unreasonable! Many friendships have ended, relationships have dissolved and attachments have died. I know I can’t bring them all back, and I cannot heal all wounds, but I wish to take this chance to say Sorry… 

     Sorry to all those people I have hurt, wronged and harmed. I know this seems to be a normal spur-of-the-moment blog post, but the emotion behind that Sorry is something I cannot put into words.

     I share this planet I call home with a lot more people( can’t forget animals and plants) than I can even imagine. Its time I start thinking about them too, right?

     So what is my final resolution, after all the thinking and emotional drama and blah blah of mine?. “Try to bring in as less negativity and sorrow into this world as possible. There is enough already!”. Simple and easy to follow eh?... Well if I find it too hard I can always jump to my back-up resolution of becoming a Charlie’s Angel!

Spraying Our Planet Dead?!...

     We all sweat and we all stink. And most of us innocently use deodorants or antiperspirants thinking all it does is help us stay hygienic and stink-free. But latest studies show that these products are not only harmful for human health but also to the entire environment.
     Most commercial antiperspirants contain aluminum in some form - it's the active ingredient to help reduce sweating. This aluminum has been demonstrated to cause DNA mutation, which is a precursor required for cancer; although whether antiperspirants can directly cause cancer is hotly debated(Even then, who would want to take the risk!!!).Aluminum can also present issues for people with impaired kidney function.
     In deodorants, Triclosan is often used as an ingredient. Tricloslan is a powerful anti-bacterial agent that cannot be filtered out during waste water treatment and of course, that's where most of it ends up. As Triclosan is toxic to algae, it can be a threat in waterways in terms of reducing food sources for creatures dependent on algae.
     Deodorants and antiperspirdants also constitute a large number of unnatural chemicals that are new to the environment. Hence, the natural processes can not bio-degrade such chemicals.
     While not all of these ingredients will be toxic to the environment as such; they all have to be created which can often be an energy and resource intensive process.Many of them will also be petrochemicals; having their roots in crude oil. Then there's the packaging and transport to consider! The list of why not to use deodorants is much longer than reasons to use, trust me!
     Deodorants also contain a large amount of aerosols (Don’t worry, I will explain). Aerosols are tiny particles that remain suspended in the air. Not only is there a human health factor affected, but weather and global climate are also influenced. In fact, aerosols have been blamed for changing the atmospheric energy balance and changing the global water cycle.
     Aerosols affect clouds, and the result is a more extreme precipitation pattern. This goes on to play a role in local water resources, but may also cause circulation changes. The knock-on effect deals another blow to the global climate.
     Aerosols reflect some of the sunlight before it reaches the surface. With less heat, less surface water evaporates to form clouds. The result is less precipitation. Now, while you may rejoice because you can put away that awkward umbrella, consider the next step. Aerosols also interfere with the formation of raindrops from cloud moisture. So the usual small clouds no longer produce small showers. Eventually, more water builds up in the cloud and rain ensues. Rather than a short-lived shower, the rain is more intense and erratic!

     Deodorants and antiperspirants do have quite an environmental impact and also pose a health risk(A little obvious now isn't it?). I hope maybe, just maybe this little "research piece" I wrote has opened a few eyes and closed a few deodorants from spraying our planet dead....