If you have started reading this thinking that I will
present to you a set of instructions on how to be in a happy and successful relationship, or steps on how to keep you
partner happy, then, I must warn you
that I am the last person to be preaching such things! Since my mother will be
reading this, I have never had a relationship. But hypothetically speaking,
even if I have had them, then I have never given them enough priority to study
them that intently.
Hence, the
instructions for manipulating a relationship is for commercial magazines and
tabloids to take care of. My words are more concerned with aspects deeper or
rather more significant in an individual’s life. Matters concerning that little
thing called happiness.
So why the
word relationship in the title you ask. Sadly, I have come to observe that,
with the rise in the population of this planet, there is an equal rise in the
feeling of loneliness amongst us beings. The more faces we see around us, the
more alone we feel. Ironic! All of us are after something or the other, aren’t
we? Money, smartphones, love, lust, God, new Jimmy Choo shoes, what not.(If you
aren’t one of these then I must say I’m very pleased) We are looking to relate
to something… anything to gain a certain sense of satisfaction in our souls,
simply called peace!
But are we
satisfied? Are we happy? Are we at peace? If we were, then I wouldn’t be
writing this article and you wouldn’t be reading it.
A new
boyfriend or a girlfriend is certainly not going to change that cycle of
pain-joy-pain that is eternal. YES! Sorry to break that bubble, but a new anything won’t make you happy, Unless….
Unless you learn to be happy from the inside. Today
a lover’s hug might give you the warmth and delight you crave for, but no
celestial being can assure you that it will remain with you always. When your
happiness is dependent on something or
someone, it is next to impossible to
say that it will remain with you forever. Simple logic isn’t it?
Peace is
when you are happy when you are stripped of everything that you have today.
Your family, your friends, you lover, your new phone, your big car, your credit
cards, your everything! The day you can say with confidence that “I am happy no
matter what or who leaves me”, then that is the day that you are truly HAPPY!
Now, you know the secret.
Be happy
with nothing, then even losing everything can’t take away your happiness!
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I think that you have tried to capture the essence of "happiness" without delving too deep into relationship - which by your own admission, you have no experience of.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has "participated in the turmoils of Life" and experienced relationships at close quarters, I can attest to the fact that "Happiness is really a state of mind" and our relationships with other humans - lovers, siblings, parents determine this state of mind.
Despite the fact that some relationships are transitory, they still intrude into your psyche and cant but avoid affecting your state of mind. I also believe that ALL the gadgets and gizmo's in this world or any material possession CANNOT replace the emotional bonds that only a human relationship can bring forth.
Cheers !
I was actually being sarcastic about not having had relationships. But I agree when you say Happiness is a state of mind. Though our parents, lovers, siblings and so on affect, it is not completely depended on them. I am a spiritual person, and speaking on those terms I believe that we have the power to control out state of mind.
DeleteMy intention is to reach out to the younger generations, or rather the youth, which is wasting way too much time on petty issues relating to relationships. I have seen my peers ruin their education, their future, physically harm themselves and some even taking their own lives. this to me is very frightening! and certainly needs to be changed.
The amount of importance we lay on unimportant aspects of these human relationships that do not deserve that amount of importance needs to be changed. Possessiveness, jealousy, anger and so on.... this is what I mean....
I agree completely :) and I respect you for your concerns. they are indeed very valid. Don't stop trying.
DeleteTruuuu.
DeleteIt is next to impossible to enjoy something alone. I feel the key to happiness is building relationships aka friendships. The more good people you can share your life with, the happier you will be.
ReplyDeleteIt seems you are focusing on relationships of the sexual kind. When it comes to those, unless you live in an ultra conservative society where intimate relationships are restricted, you have to go in knowing anything can happen. Simply by observing what your friends or even parents have gone through, you can conclude that 'love' is fagile and rarely lasts forever. The problem is everyone thinks they are the exception to the rule. Here in india, young people may also be deluded by the hero-heroine type fairytales which are merely fantastically fictional. Nothing is guarenteed when it comes to 'love.'
I appreciate your opinion, I have tried to present a broader idea in this article....
DeleteI don't speak on sexual terms at all. I mean in a more spiritual way. More of what the Buddha said. "Nothing in this world is permanent".
we attach ourselves to things that has no guarantee to last forever, and when they aren;t there anymore, we loose heart. And relationships don't just end cuz of sexual reasons. Death can also be a reason. I'm am trying to present a very broad spiritual idea in simple terms....
And by relationships it doesn't mean just people!Nowadays we are so attched to materialistic things too.Imagine a day without your phone or computer or bike!
It is becaus of these kind of relationships or rather attachments that causes us pain.
So all I wish to say is for people to lead lives the way they want, but not get too attached to anything or anyone
1 question, can you be happy with nothing? Have you tried it.? I understand material things are not the source of happiness. But no friends or family? Seriously? Why do you think hardened criminals are punished with solitary confinement?
ReplyDeleteI can understand why this concept of being happy with nothing is difficult to comprehend. If I could have succeded in being happy with nothing, then I would be amongst the greatest people of this planet.
ReplyDeleteBuddha, Gandhiji and mother teresa, were probably one of the very very few people who understood it and welcomed this into their lives.
Criminals r punished with solitary confinement because they aren't enlightened beings who understand that being away from evertyhing needn't cause pain!This article wasn't meant for criminals :)
But all I wish to convey is that be happy with people and things, but don't let them be the ONLY reason for your happiness. It is then that you loose track of who you are. For example, let's say I love my teacher. I am happy with the teacher and the teachings. But one day he scolds me for doing something wrong. If I am too attached to him then I feel pain at what he tells me right? But if I realise that he is not the only reason for my happiness, then despite the scoldings I am happy. and with this clear mind I can understand why he scolded me and hence correct my ways.
I really hope I have helped!
Buddha, Gandhi and Mother Teresa are loved and adored by millions worldwide. They may have not had many material possessions but they had the greatest wealth in connecting with other humans. They did not have 'nothing'. Being adored even by 1 person is amazing. Now imagine thousands of people looking up to you and crowds following you wherever you go, just to catch a glimpse of you.
ReplyDelete[The analogy about solitary confinement was meant to demonstrate that if hardened, cruel people dread isolation, what about more compassionate people? Thus, without human connection at all, there truly cant be happiness]
I agree with you that we should not be too attached, but disagree that one can be happy without family or friends.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI beg to differ with the last para completely.
We ALL need at least one special person in our lives. It may be a wife, husband,lover, guru, god, a sibling, mentor, etc; with whom you have a special relationship that is sometimes undefinable.
With this special person, the conversation is endless and productive. Sometimes, their will be strains, which is a good thing in any dynamic relationship. Its a two-way traffic of equals. The bottom line is that this conversation is stimulating and growth oriented, where their is respect for each others views.
Age, class, gender and status play NO role in this special relationship. Such a special relationship if genuine endures a lifetime. Not all of us are privileged to experience this - unless we are prepared to work at it.
Anonymous, do u have that 'special' person?
ReplyDeleteYes I do :)
ReplyDeleteMr. Daved i would like it if you keep this discussion related to the mater concerned. Whether any of us have that special person or no is a personal thing.
ReplyDeleteAnd anonymous, I totally agree with your opinion. We all need that special person. This article is meant for those who aren't lucky enough to have that lucky person.
Mr daved, Just in the past 2 years three young souls in my college committed suicide. One killed himself because his parents didn't give him a bike. This is unacceptable! This article is for THOSE people who depend on outside elements for that inner peace and happiness. You seem like a very happy and at peace person, so you can choose to disagree with my words. I respect all opinions and concerns. It is because of these differences that the world is so colourful and interesting, don't you think.
Most importantly Gandhiji, buddha and mother teresa had people who followed them and loved them AFTER their greatness was recognised. But when they began their journey they were all alone. Buddha's family and people of the kingdom thought he was mad, The british and the indians though Gandhiji had lost his mind and mother teresa's family thought she was making a mistake. THEY WERE ALONE WHEN THEY MADE THEIR CHOICES! yet they were happy with their choices to help those who needed it, and that is why today they got that love back. they all died at peace, having everything. All because they were happy even when they didn't have anything or anyone. I repeat my last line from the essay " Be happy with nothing, then even losing everything can’t take away your happiness!". When you learn to be at peace with nothing, then nothing can stop you from being happy at any moment in your life. Hope this concept has been made clear to you. Though I do not write this article so that everybody agrees with it, I still would not like to be misunderstood. Gautam Buddha spent his entire life in order to understand this spiritual concept, to be enlightened with the truth. For the people of our generation, all dissolved in today's day-to-day chaos, it would be difficult to understand and accept it. But no harm in trying to make this world a better place right? I hope you will agree with me atleast when I say this world NEEDS more reasons to be happy in. If there are no reasons, then lets be happy without reason.
Well said Spoorthi ! Just want to share 2 quotes that are probably relevant to this blog:
ReplyDeleteThe reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be – Marcel Pagnol
In a world growing smaller, with the population growing larger, what surprises me is how two people can grow further apart .... Oscar Wilde.
Cheers !
These quotes do perfectly match my thoughs:-):-):-)...
DeleteMs Spoorthi, it is sad your friends chose to end their lives. It is really noble that you are trying to be a positive influence. I am not trying to start an argument and it is difficult to understand the spirit in which words are being said through text. I was just trying to give my perspective on 'happiness'.
ReplyDeleteAll opinions and comments are most welcome with me :).
DeleteI am an advent believer that through debate and discussion, we as human beings and we as a society can evolve.
and honestly I am always debating and arguing ;), so not to welcome your opinions would be hypocritical.
We agree to disagree =).
Your opinions are most respected, and I feel honoured infact that you have read my words and decided to share what you feel. I welcome your thoughts on all matters that I express and certainly a good debate is always enjyabe. What do you say ? :)
Nice take Spoorthi.. I am in total consensus with the thought of there being no love unless one loves thyself. Also I think most cases relationships are a lot confused with the shallow perspectives. It is not just about being with someone, it is more about being that someone who could be loved.. Nice writing :) ..
ReplyDelete