When the earth shook and tore our souls apart (In Nepal, two months after the earthquakes)

  I landed in Nepal today, exactly two months after the earth shattering earthquakes destroyed so much here. Apparently, there have been two minor earthquakes since I've landed, and they've become such a normal part of life here, that even I didn't notice them. But, tomorrow seems to be on alert for a big quake, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do when the earth below me shakes!
     As to why I'm here at just this time in Nepal's history, well I'm trying to be superwoman. You know when there is someone in distress or in trouble, there is this highly empathetic, big-hearted, kind souled person, who sacrifices to help those in need? Well technically I'm supposed to be playing that role.
     Let me tell you the truth. One small little me, with two small little hands that have NEVER seen hard labour, can't do anything!
     We all walk around thinking we have control over things! As I heard my friend's first hand experience of how the entire building shook off its hinges, as she watched her little brother and sisters screaming for her, only thinking "we are going to die today!" as she lied to the little ones "don't panic, it'll be fine!", that feeling of control slipped like sand between my fingers as tears rolled down my face. Few hours later she heard her home back in the village was a pile of rubble, just a few minutes before all communications died. She said when she realised what life around her had turned into, she told herself "this is life". I'm not sure if there was sadness in her voice or a sense of acceptance.
     I ask myself now, what can I really do here? How can I help? I know what the action plan for the next few weeks will be for me, but I know I can not help them, I can not help anyone here or anywhere. This is life! Disaster, dread and death are all a part of it, and I have a feeling my journey now on will be that of accepting this simple truth. I can't help it, because it's not meant to be helped.
     Humanity will continue to suffer in natural disasters, cancer, mental illness and everything that is life, and all that we have is each other, all that we have is humanity. That is why I'm here, not to help, not to build, not to be superwoman, but to be a part of humanity.

NOTE : This post is an expression of what I felt and thought about during my visit to Nepal, and hope no body is offended by my piece of writing! The people here have faced a lot in the past couple of months and this is in no way a comment on that.

Big Cute Puppy Eyes

     Remember that dog that just got hit, by a car that didn't even stop to see if its alive? Remember that little puppy with a broken bleeding leg crying in pain? Remember that cow withering in pain near the garbage bin? Remember that litter of kittens whose mother just got run over by a truck?

     Today I found a puppy with the cutest eyes on the road. But, it was only after falling for his buggy eyes did I notice the disease affected skin and his badly fractured leg. I knew I had to help him!

Though he was wounded, he was happy to meet someone new!

     I came running back to get a cloth that I could cover him with to pick him up, and told my mom about the little soul waiting for help. She said "don't worry! Dogs get affected on the road all the time. He'll get well without your help" .

     You guys know me well, I gave her a mean dirty stare and went ahead calling the People For Animals, Mysore to come take the puppy for treatment. But as I walked towards the puppy, I realised what my mom said wasn't as shocking as I had made it seem!

     Thousands of people had passed by the puppy in obvious pain, with the exact same thought that was running through my mom's mind. Street dogs heal on their own, we don't need to help them. Well, I'm sorry to say but you couldn't be more wrong!

     All animals, especially the ones on the streets need our help when they are injured. I'm going to say this at the risk of sounding cheesy, but they don't have a voice! They just sit there in pain waiting for help, which unfortunately doesn't ever come most of the times.

      The good news is, most cities have animal shelters with ambulance services and treatment for street animals. I have personally visited the ones in Mysore, Udaipur, Gangtok and Hyderabad. They are all amazing centres with amazing people to take care of these animals.

     Check it out RIGHT NOW, and save their phone numbers, it takes not more than five minutes. That number could help save a dog or cat in pain, the next time you notice one in a corner with a broken limb or a bleeding tail. DON'T pass them by thinking they'll be okay, they won't! Unless you help them.


Don't forget also read :

• Burying Our Daughters
• Destination Dharamshaala!

Burying our daughters

     We always tell our girls "it's unsafe outside, don't go", instead imagine a world where we told them "it's unsafe outside, go make it better!".
     The fact that I am a girl and hence vulnerable and unsafe, doesn't ever escape my mind(I'm sure a lot of women will share the same feeling), because the world around me keeps reminding me that I shall be eaten alive the very next moment. Will we ever teach ourselves to be fearless, and fight for ourselves?
     I've had to see my mother go through the struggle of letting me go, and I always thought what's her problem? I need to go out someday! But having worked with beautiful children the past two years, I can see where the protective instincts come from.
     When she finally let go two years ago, I forgot to tell her how proud I was of her! But, little did I know the world hadn't stopped trying to hide me, to bury me! People all around me, even today, 'advise me' not to travel alone, not to go out after 9 or not to hang out with young boys too much!
     But is burying our women in safety, or rather disguised safety, really the answer? What is the difference between restricting a woman from living her life fully and ending the life of a female foetus? We don't want to be responsible for either one's repercussions. 
     Nineteen years of my life my protective mom taught me that I couldn't fight for myself because the world outside was mean and evil, I wouldn't be safe. But despite the love, when I flew out of my nest the world took up the task of telling me to hide behind safety.      Ironically, as I hear these voices who only see the vulnerability of my gender, the past month has been so inspiring and uplifting because of all the strong kick-arse women I've met! I've heard the CEO of India's biggest fellowship pour her heart out, I've heard the founder of an amazing school tell me gender biases are just an excuse, I've met a founder of a weavers society who worked with them for fourteen years to empower and build an enterprise from nothing to a 5 crore turn over, and oh so many women with the power in their voices that are still flashing before my eyes.
     Maybe I should just listen to these women, and tune out the rest, atleast that's what my mom says.

Sine you've read till the end, do read these too :

• The Big Elephant in My Room - My parents' seperation
• Dream To Be Free

The Tea Boiling Over

     The year 2013 was a very tough one, especially the month of December. I lived in a typical Indian rural village, caught between the traditions of the old times and the advancements of modern societies. I had to live with a family from the village, as any other family member, experiencing their lives without the luxuries that I came from.

       Amidst all of this, was the little daughter and her friend living every day as it came. Waiting for the tea they made everyday for all household members, and watching them in their childish freedom, wrote a poem. 

      Despite the shift in the society towards womens' rights and equality, the reality in our daily lives remains unchanged. Perhaps this pain is what brought on this expression. 

The girls making serving tea in the school.

Every inch of the old dusty mud house

Touched by their loud innocent giggles

The air slowly invaded

By the aroma of the tea they make.

Their mother bathing half naked

By the open tap overlooking the hills,

Warns them of the tea boiling over,

As they continue amusing each other like kids.

How are they to know

Every minute spent here with mother

Is just another step

Towards their new destined homes?

Homes decided while they sat dreaming

Of their futures untold to them yet.

Their very mother by their side

Shall send them off with packed suitcases

Before their childhood giggles mature into a woman’s laughter.

Their innocence blind

To how their families will soon,

Very soon,

Sell them off in marriage

Only to fill their old dusty mud house

With sobs of another’s little daughter.


Don't forget to also read :

• The Big Elephant In The Room - My Parents' Seperation
• The Super(wo)man Inside All Of Us

The English Snob That I Was

Note : This was a story I shared with my fellowship team, when asked how the fellowship that I am a part of has changed me. There have been several ways of how this brilliant experience has brought out the best and the worst in me. I will hopefully share more on this fellowship and the learnings I've drawn from it on the blog, for now read on...

                

                 My name is Spoorthi. My father is from Karnataka and my mother is from Sikkim, and I… Well I am from everywhere! I can speak Kannada, Nepali, French because I put my heart and soul into learning it and of course I know English. Thinking back on my past, I realize that all my friends have been English speakers, all my thoughts have been penned down in English, and most of what I know has been read in English.

                One year into the fellowship and all the friends I had made were English speakers. I hadn’t ever realized it, but I looked down upon those who didn’t know proper English. “I didn’t done it” someone says, and I know he can never be my friend. “Kyaa aap hindi mein baat karsakte ho, angrezi samajh nahin aa raha hain” another says and I know no conversations there. “Aap kaise ho?” someone asks, I say “acha” in my broken hindi and walk away. This was who I was and I was happy with it.

                My whole life, my parents, my schools, the society I belonged to and the media that fed me, have all told me ‘English’! We had a rule in my school, if anyone speaks in any language other than English, then we had to pay a fine. Did I realize how much of my character was being shaped by this? Our whole lives we are conditioned to be a certain way, fed ideas that are said to be right, influenced towards certain ideologies. Everyday of our lives we lose a part of ourselves and become what we are forced to become, completely blind to it. In the fellowship I questioned it, and recovered a part of myself!

                I remember the day that my journey with this fellowship started. I was given a room next to two boys during our induction process, who happened to be deep and loud in discussion in HINDI! I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t understand most of it, but I understood I was disappointed. I remember phoning my mother back home and telling her very convincingly that I didn’t think this fellowship was for me. Today I work and live with one of those guys in my fellowship home and the other one of those guys is my best friend. 

                It might have taken me a year to realize it, but a lot of courage to break my notions and to break my conditioning. The dislike, the disappointment, the hatred even, it was all not mine. It was given to me, and I accepted it without questioning it. When I look around today I see the magnitude of souls we are slowly erasing by giving them all the anger, hatred, violence, judgements and what not.

                During my field support visits to school, I meet on an average 150 primary kids that I teach, I play with and best of all, I talk to. I can feel their honesty, their purity and their free minds in my heart. I envy them but at the same time I fear for them. It is only a while until these free souls are also bound by our society’s chains. Perhaps I can save them, perhaps I can save our society from more Spoorthis who dislike non-English speakers.

                My dream is to see our children growing in an environment where they can be everything they wish to be and everything that they are, without being conditioned to be a certain way, fed ideas that are said to be right, influenced towards certain ideologies. A school where self-exploration, self-governance, self-expression, equality and freedom are the core values. I want to question things, I want to question our conditioning, I want to question everything!

                

Don't forget to also check out :

• How To Love...
• Just Five Clothes!

The Big Elephant in My Room - My parents' seperation

     It's been a long time since I've written(I certainly regret my lethargy) and now that I've decided to finally get back on track, what better way to start than to talk about the one thing in my life that I rarely talk about with people.
     A few of you might know that my parents are separated and it's been just my mother, my dog(now no more alive) and I the whole time. I sometimes tell people the truth when asked, according to whether they can handle it or not, rest of the times I just say he works overseas. A lot of you might be appalled as to why I lie, but it is not for me but for the well-being of the listener. Contrary to the beliefs held by many educated citizens of our great nation, divorce and single-parenthood are still a taboo and a big No-No.
    Hence I am going to do the best thing possible with this taboo today - talk about it! I will try my best to answer all kinds of questions that enter into your head when you think of DIVORCE and especially the CHILD of the pitiful marriage.
    My parents separated nearly a decade ago. I am in my early twenties now, which means I was already quite old enough to understand pretty much everything that was happening in my life. Did it affect me and damage me for the rest of my life? Well... I'm sure it affected me, but don't we all live through struggles in life that affect us, bad breakups, failing at exams, broken bones from an accident or a death of a loved one. They are all a part and parcel of life, and the best thing we can do is survive them. I survived it and I'm doing fine today, so I guess damaged for the rest of my life is not true eh?
    To be honest, the way I saw my parents' marriage, it wasn't happy for them after a while. They began with love, but love fades sometimes like everything in life (Buddha said nothing in this universe is permanent). They should have parted before the ugly side of fading love began to show. For all those open mouths and rolling eyes, I know this might sound crrrrrrrrrrazy, but that is what I believe. Nothing really is permanent, and the sooner we accept this truth, the closer we are to finding the one thing we all truly crave for, Peace.
    One of the biggest reasons marriages are stopped from seeing its end are the KIDS! What will happen to them? We should stay for their happiness? We should do this for them! Well... I am a kid of such a marriage, and for all those going through this phase in life, honestly this is the worst thing for the kids in the marriage. A forced marriage entails a lot of cold shoulders, hatred, fights, and most of the times domestic violence at home. We don't need this. The foremost thing for a child is to be brought up in a healthy , non-violent environment and if that means sitting down with your partner to decide the terms of separation then do it! If it means going to couples counselling than try that too! But don't just stay idle, waiting for things to change.
    A common question that curious little minds have asked me is my opinion on marriage and whether I see a husband for myself, despite my parents' broken ties. I suppose they expect I'd carry the hate from the previous generation, but it's not for me to carry is it? I have been given the power to make the choices of my life and it is upto me to make it the way I want it to be. On that note, will I marry? No :) But it's not because I don't believe in love, but it is because I don't think I need a big wedding ceremony or an announcement to the world or any other drama of that sort for me to share my life with someone. I strongly believe in the power of love and am infact in love with someone very special in my life, who also doesn't think he needs a certificate to prove his love for me.
    I realise I've said a lot of things that might result in a lot of hate in the comments section, but you know what it's fine. I've lived through every word I've written here and more, I've lived it and I wouldn't change a single thing from my life if I had the chance. It made me who I am today, it made me value love, it made me value myself, what else can I ask for.
    My parent's are separated, but by their choice. The only hope for humanity is to work for a society where freedom and love are the most important epithets and not force and hate. I am proud of my mother for taking this decision and setting herself free and wish a lot of women and men get the courage to take that step to set themselves free and find love for themselves.

P.S: Thanks a lot for listening to what I had to say :) Listening to each other helps a lot trust me. Sharing another article that is very close to what I am talking about.

Also, don't forget to also read :

• How to love...
• Equal and Free

My Mom Is Beautiful.

     This is a blog post after a long time travelling around the country, a bit of meditation and a lot of reading. All that done in hopes of opening new doors in my head and learning new life lessons. When I finally returned home after a year away(Only for a 10-day holiday break though) I never thought I would learn a beautiful lesson right in the middle of all the comforts home had to offer.
     My mom was dressing up to go her work, and meeting her after a significant amount of time, we were having our usual conversations of this and that. As she tried on her new purple kurta I happened to notice that she had grown a little fat around her hips and I told her "Ma, your body has become fat. That kurta looks weird on you."
     She accepted my comment coolly and justified how she had been eating a lot the past month. Her protest-less acceptance of my comment hit me so hard! I had obviously not thought of what my words actually signified, and soon a lesson learnt.
     Women will always be too fat, too short, too dark, have too many pimples and so on and on and on. I've been told of my tan, my grizzly dry hair and my farm of pimples on my face, over and over again. I have justified for them over and over again, as if being the way I am and looking the way I do offends the people who have to bear with it!
    My mother should have been horrified and told me not to talk of someone's body that way. I criticised her body, told her she was fat and basically told her she wasn't good enough. All she did was accept it. She accepted it as if I was right in saying all that I had said!
     When in reality my mother is so much more than just her body and face. Neither a size zero figure nor a body with fat around her hips, can define who she truly is. No beauty standards we create for women in this society can truly do justice to what women really are on the inside. So let's stop criticising the extra fat, the short legs and frizzy hair. Let's accept and love ourselves and each other for exactly the way we are - Beautiful! And I needed to go home, call my mother fat and watch her smile while being called fat to learn this lesson.
   I would love to hear stories of how beautiful your moms are :)

Don't forget to check out :

• Happiness or Peace???
• Just Five Clothes